Cure
by mirai aria
Summary: [AU] In another world a different, younger Uesugi Eiri runs away from the newly spawned demon of his past... only to be welcomed into what could be a deeper darkness by a mysterious blue eyed young man. Part 3 of 3 up!
1. Part 1

**Disclaimer**: Gravitation does not belong to me or anything. I'm merely borrowing its characters for amusement purposes. I don't get anything out of this but… fun and amusement. No, really.

**A/N:** Please don't take this fic _too_ seriously. I began this fic last December and have been really just writing it on and off. It began as a weird whim, you know? A weird urge and my goal had been to get Eiri to strangle Shuichi in a bathtub. I hadn't really meant for it to drag out this long, the whole thing is around, maybe, twenty-thousand words. One thing led to another though and it bloated into one long fic where I find a way to _hurt_ Shuichi one way or another… (laugh) Yes. So please, forgive the OOCness and just, read if you like. I was thinking it would be a sad, sad waste to throw away something this big even if it's really… crappy. I'm posting it in three, four parts so, if anyone likes it… please comment and make me happy D!

Also, it somewhat deteriorates towards the end and this hasn't been really edited by anyone but me (I'll get to that, really) and I had **Aja**/**imayb1 **read through it a while but…. she was…. swamped with stuff so I couldn't get her to helpme with the whole thing. I can't remember whether I edited it or not so for now, please bear with me. :D Finally, this fic is dedicated to **Rula**.. err.. **RuliRuli**. You know who you are! You kept me going at this fic and yeah, probably scrapped this one without you :3!

ooo

**Cure**  
Part One

ooo

He knew those eyes were watching him; a pair of striking blue eyes that almost didn't seem blue in the glaring bright lights above them. The boy, or maybe it was a man who looked far younger than his real age, was smiling ever so slightly at him from across the other platform. It was discomforting but he ignored the man, intent on getting on the next train that arrived, wherever it was bound to, hoping to get away from Tokyo anyway he could.

The telltale sound of wheels booming on the tracks sounded in his ears and within a matter of moments his vision was clouded with a blur of white. Still, those eyes remained fixed on him or at least, that was what he felt. He told himself, fervently almost, to ignore the man and to get his feet moving, after all, here was a train and a train was all he needed to escape from the chaos that seemed to hound him everywhere he went. However, he could not find the strength to do so, the will to take that first step that would inevitably render everything else past and irreversible and hopeless. Before he could berate himself for stalling, the doors in front of him closed and the last train for that day was gone, leaving him stranded.

He looked up and found the man, _the boy_, still on the other side of the station, watching him. The slight smile on the boy's lips widened into a full-blown grin and then he waved at him, like an old friend to another. He was dumbfounded, but reaction came moments too late when the boy jumped off the platform and began walking towards him.

He stood then, right in front of him as if jumping onto the tracks was an everyday thing, and beamed at him innocently. He noticed then that the boy had brown hair that looked disturbingly red beneath the overhead lights underneath the red cap he wore.

"Stranded?" The boy asked cheerfully, gloved hands dug into his coat's pockets. He sounded older and younger at the same time but Eiri felt the other was definitely older than him. Before he could nod, the boy continued, this time arching his head to the unknown that lay beyond the tracks to his right and the silhouette the sleepless city made in background. "If you want, you can stay with me, at least until tomorrow and then we can head over to the station again first thing in the morning."

That was when he found his voice, seemingly, and very soon he found himself speaking in the thick, sarcasm-laden voice he hadn't heard in a while, "Why should I?"

The boy seemed to laugh lightly at him, "I'm not forcing you, I'm suggesting. If you don't want, I don't mind at all."

"I don't mind." He answered immediately and then frowned before scoffing, "I don't have any place to go anyway."

Something flickered in the boy's eyes and his eyes softened before finally smiling at him. "What's your name?"

"I don't give my name to people unless they tell me theirs first." He deadpanned and the boy laughed, the voice sounding vaguely familiar and almost musical, if only for the hollow echo that it seemed to contain.

"Shindou Shuichi – that's my name." The boy blinked and then added, "You can call me Shuichi, if you like. So what's your name?"

Unsatisfied but loathe to do anything else, he stared at the boy for a few short moments before finally replying.

"Eiri. Just Eiri."

"Well Eiri, it's a pleasure to meet you." Shuichi said quietly, with an equally quiet smile that told Eiri the boy and his new acquaintance was hiding something and was more than he seemed. The brunette held out his hand then and Eiri, without hesitation, took the smaller man's hand into his.

"I didn't know you were _really_ blonde." Shuichi noted with a tinge of surprise, and maybe outright fascination, when their faces were mere inches apart and their eyes met. Eiri did not smile back or react to the man's comment in any way, when the smaller man's hand slipped from his grasp, he could not help but think back on the delicate, near-bony fingers underneath those soft woolen gloves or the near weightlessness of the man.

He imagined the fingers under those gloves were cold, if not frozen, and void of any warmth.

Just like him.

ooo

The hotel room was relatively spacious, not homely but furnished with two beds (for which he was grateful for) and a bathroom that was clean enough for Eiri's standards. Shuichi walked ahead of him, throwing the only luggage he carried, a black leather bag, onto his bed before collapsing on it, arms spread out wide. The brunette turned to him and smiled; "Don't you just love cheap hotels?"

Eiri shook his head and sat himself on the other bed, "I don't care about hotels, to begin with."

The smaller man's eyes narrowed into slits that gleamed with mischief as he shifted his weight on the side facing the blonde and propped his head up an arm. "You prefer to stay in love hotels?" Shuichi whispered, his voice carrying an undeniable seductive tone, as he languidly stretched on the small bed, letting his blonde companion eye him.

Eiri imagined those suddenly luscious lips curving ever so slightly in a non-too-innocent smile as he stepped forward, his eyes seemingly falling into place as it met and was held in the smaller man's intense gaze. There was something about this man that intrigued him, that troubled him and, most of all, made him fear the deep dark shadows in his mind and what they hid within themselves. Finally, snapping out of his stupor, he opened his mouth and spoke, realizing for the first time that night how chapped his lips had become due to the cold.

"I don't mind that either." Eiri said, in a whisper though he did not do so on purpose. Even so, that tiny whisper sounded so loud in his ears; so painfully, terribly loud. So loud it seemed to fill their small quarters and his ears. He clamped his mouth shut afterwards, letting his lips press together so tightly in order to keep anything from escaping. To himself, he thought about how this was his first time outside the carefully placed, invisible, walls his older sister and her husband had made around him and how this was the first time he'd been in a dingy old hotel in the outskirts of Tokyo. He had never thought of ever needing to settle down in a hotel, in a warm bed, _anywhere at all,_ when his energy left him finally. All he'd thought was of running away, as far as he could from the darkness that threatened to overwhelm him, from his sister's suffocating vigilance and then, himself.

The cold, freezing fingers on his lips were chilling but, ultimately pleasant and when he looked up, he found his companion, his 'friend', the boyish man standing above him, his face hidden in the shadow the light behind him created, looking down at him. Eiri couldn't read the expression on the brunette's face and all he could focus on was the way the smaller man's hair looked red in the white light. Shuichi traced Eiri's lips with his freezing fingers and then, gently pressed them deeper until they were within.

"You should go back to your family, Eiri-kun." Eiri heard him whisper gently and then the fingers in his mouth were withdrawn. It was seconds later when he realized and then, surprisingly, began to miss the soft fingers in his mouth. He rose from the bedside, not quite sure when he'd sat down and padded towards the center of the room. He stared at the bathroom door, and then at its silver doorknob, not quite sure of what to do. When he heard the sound of the shower running he sat down again, confused and deeply troubled.

Shuichi emerged from the steaming bathroom a little more than half an hour later, his face red from the heat and clad only in a bathrobe that almost left nothing to the imagination (and was obviously not from the hotel itself). Eiri swallowed and turned his gaze away then, not missing the amused smile dancing on the other's lips shortly. "You like what you see? Eiri-kun?" Shuichi whispered slowly as he slipped out of the sheer bathrobe and began dressing himself in his clothes again. Eiri noted how he, like him, carried no change of clothing, but decided not to say anything.

"Aren't you taking a shower yourself?" The brunette asked again after some time and Eiri replied with a simple headshake that seemed to have effectively silenced his companion. They didn't speak for the rest of the night after that and Eiri found sleep claim him long after Shuichi had decided to close the lights.

The next morning, Eiri awoke to a gentle heat on his face, one that reminded him of home and the suffocation warmth and perfection that reigned over him. Deep down, the fact that he was no longer there, trapped within their nets lingered, floating in the sea of despair and refusing to go down into the abyss. It gave him comfort, if only a small measure of it.

_"….yone knows anything about his current whereabouts, please contact us." _

His eyes shot open, shock, surprise and fear suddenly pooling into his mind. He sat up and was greeted with an amused laugh from his companion who momentarily switched the TV off. "Had a nightmare, Eiri-kun?" Shuichi asked quietly, holding in the amused laughter within him with a secure smile that made Eiri edge back protectively.

"Stay back." Eiri hiss venomously but this only made Shuichi chuckle.

"Did that scare you, Eiri-kun?" The brunette sat himself on his bedside, ignoring Eiri's earlier reaction and seemingly intent on provoking him more. It made Eiri pensive and increasingly intimidated. But at the same time, he was afraid. Somehow, he had an idea of what Shuichi had been watching then, before he so kindly turned the television off before. It had been about _him_, his family was looking for _him_ and Shuichi knew it. That fact frightened him most; _Shuichi knew_.

It made him feel like he was suddenly under the complete power of the smaller man and as if to confirm his thoughts, the smile on Shuichi's luscious lips widened.

"Were you worried about your family asking the public to bring their prince back?" Eiri recognized the predatory look on the other's face. "Were you w—"

There was a loud smack, followed by a loud thump as the brunette's body was thrown to the floor between the two beds by the impact. Eiri's eyesight blurred as his pupils dilated into needlepoint and shock wrecked through his body. He brought his hand close to his face, feeling the shadows creeping closer from the corner of his vision. The sight of red on his pale palm was disconcerting and his tilted his head up, turning his gaze from his hand to the crumpled body in front of him.

Shuichi was motionless for a few long moments and then he lifted his head from the arms he used to shield them with. His eyes curtained by his mussed brown hair, Shuichi smiled at him as if nothing had happened.

"I'm sorry, Eiri-kun." The brunette said, an almost venomous cheerfulness laced in his voiced, as he picked himself up from the floor. Shuichi laughed and then tightened the tie on his bathrobe before gesturing towards the bathroom.

"I readied the bathtub for you; take a bath before it cools down." Shuichi said simply before turning his back on him.

Eiri stared before mechanically removing himself from his bed and heading towards the bathroom. The image of Shuichi with his left cheek red and thick red blood smeared lightly on the edge of his lips clung to his mind like smoke refusing to abate while it permeated, penetrated and poisoned.

ooo

"Do you like music, Eiri-kun?"

Shuichi asked him quietly while they waited for the next train, head bowed as he idly adjusted his gloves. With New Year just around the corner and Christmas already past, schools were off and the station was fairly deserted because of this. Except for several office workers who looked undeniably displeased with having to work on the holidays, they were alone. Eiri liked being alone, liked the silence it offered and was slightly irritated when Shuichi broke the pristine silence with his inquiry.

He snapped his head to the left and was all but ready to snap a negative reply when his eyes caught the brunette's left cheek, bruised and sporting several band-aids. He managed to restrain himself then and looked away, guilty, before quietly answering back.

"No." Eiri lied. He wasn't a big fan of music, but he liked it enough. Music soothed one's soul. It made him feel better when nothing else could. A little music could convey what he could not in words and action. He had done it for a while, until the bottled up emotion became too much for its vessel.

"Oh." Was all Shuichi said to this but there was a tiny curve on his lips, one that Eiri did not, and _could not_ ignore, because of the flesh-colored band-aid on the corner of his mouth. Beneath that band-aid was a testament of his actions earlier that morning, a small wound that bled profusely.

Eiri's eyes narrowed, dangerously. Images from that morning began playing at the back of his mind and , somehow, in that vision, the color red that had been on Shuichi's lips, was brighter, and… familiar.

"My brother." Eiri found himself saying suddenly, his mind still half lost into the images. "…My brother… he likes music." He continued haltingly, "Very much."

A smiling mirror image of himself with darker hair flashed into his mind. When it was gone, he saw his dark-haired mirror image and his younger self, dancing across his field of sight and then around a familiar tall brunette.

Eiri froze immediately and felt the last vestiges of his delicate control loosen. He was overcome by fear, fear that was, curiously, wiped away when he noticed Shuichi lift his head up. He turned immediately and was met by a smile.

"You were lying, weren't you, Eiri-kun?" The question was straightforward; almost a statement. It told Eiri that it did not need a confirmation to be a statement, a fact. Something about the simple question told Eiri that, in any other tone, it would have sounded terribly dangerous. Or maybe, terribly familiar. But before Eiri could ponder about its familiarity, Shuichi continued in a much more cheerful tone. "Music is part of our lives. It's important. It's sacred. It's there…"

"It shows what you really are and what you are worth…." Shuichi finished, trailing away in an almost wistful tone before the sound of trains thundering along the tracks drowned out his voice.

Eiri watched then as Shuichi bent down to pick up his luggage, which he left beside his feet, and began striding towards one of the train's entrances. The brunette didn't look back, didn't say anything as he did so, but something told Eiri to follow, without question, without reason. In a blink of an eye, before his mind could convince him otherwise, he had bolted into a run and moments later he was standing before a calmly seated Shindou Shuichi.

Shuichi looked up at him with a sympathetic smile and began motioning at the empty seat beside him.

The doors closed behind Eiri with a faint swoosh and he swayed slightly as the train began running. He glared at the man seated in front of him, suddenly unsure of why he was standing in the train with the brunette and not outside, alone like he had wanted to be. At the back of his mind, he wondered if Shuichi had played with his mind with one way or another and was suddenly more wary of the man's intentions.

"Why don't you sit down, ne, Eiri?" Shuichi questioned, reaching a hand out for what seemed to be the blonde's cheek. Eiri responded quickly, harshly grabbing Shuichi by his wrist and pulling at it painfully while he bent down to meet Shuichi's eyes.

"What do you want?" Eiri hissed into Shuichi's face, ignoring the curious glances several of the train passengers directed at them. Shuichi leaned forward, in response, traces of pain etched on his face. When he spoke though, his voice was soft and calm, void of any panic.

"Let go, Eiri-kun. It hurts." Shuichi told him quietly, almost in a whisper as he struggled against the blonde's grip. "People are looking." Shuichi met Eiri's eyes with his pleading ones and after a few moments, the brunette began trying pry off the hands wrapped around his right wrist. Eiri's grip was tight, almost far too much for his small and delicate fingers, whose effectiveness were even lessened by the gloves, but after successfully prying the blonde's thumb off, Eiri let go and he sat back, cradling his wrists and yet looking relatively unfazed.

Eiri stared at him and the thought of it being commonplace occurred to him, though he was reluctant to believe such a thing.

"Please sit, Eiri." Shuichi said suddenly, the same smile on his face, having seemingly completely recovered from the incident, and began motioning for the seat beside him again. "The train's not full. You stand out."

Blinking and partially in disbelief, Eiri looked away, guilt once more pooling in his being, and seated himself, though not on the seat directly beside the brunette. Eiri chose to seat himself several seats away from him.

Shuichi gave him a look that was almost forlorn from his seat before turning away and folding his hands in his lap neatly. Eiri never was able to confirm whether the look was forlorn, or not, and if his actions had directly caused it but, he found, he wasn't too interested in it anyway.

Then, Shuichi began odd series of actions that weren't obtrusive to him in any way but was still, disturbingly distracting. Once in a while, the brunette would drum his fingers on his right lap with his right hand – always in a pattern, never at random though it seem to vary sometimes, he found after continues observation -- lift his head up to glance at the window behind him and then glance at his watch before stopping and then, repeating the same action minutes later.

It called to Eiri, almost. Like he could relate and then not. Not at all. It annoyed him, for sure, but found his own worries did a good job of making any sort of action against it. He knew, by now, his whole family must have informed the Police about his disappearance. If they hadn't already and if Shuichi hadn't found out about his running away from his own family via the morning news, like he feared and still feared.

He glanced at his own watch and read the time; 8:49.

By now he'd have been gone for a whole sixteen hours and forty-nine minutes, he paused, make that fifty minutes.

The sight of blood pooled on the expensive grey carpet invaded his vision.

The blood would have dried by now.

His brother-in-law was most probably in denial, like his sister, and his brother. His father would be aghast but relatively unsurprised. He would be unsurprised because everyone had known what trouble he'd bring to his family eventually.

He closed his eyes and the image became clearer. The pool of blood reflected the moon outside the balcony and the moonlight selfishly danced into the darkened flat through the sliding glass doors, providing enough light for him to see the last glint of life leave those eyes.

He had wanted to close curtains but his feet felt like the floor had somehow swallowed them up. Motionless, helpless, broken, _dead_ – those adjectives flashed through his mind once more, the very same words that had occurred in his mind, when phrases and sentences refused to form.

Dear God, he wanted for himself to die.

"Eiri."

Eiri opened his eyes at the sound of his name being called and turned his head to the one person he was with. Shuichi was looking at him, not with concern, or pity, but with a frightening display of truthfulness that immediately unnerve him.

"You're a good person, Eiri-kun." Shuichi told him, "Please. Never forget that." He offered a soft, almost-caring smile then, one that only confused Eiri more in his already muddled state of mind.

Shuichi stood up then, his luggage in one hand and soon after, the train stopped. The brunette began walking away, headed towards the exit, and once more, Eiri was compelled to follow.

ooo

Eiri wasn't sure when the buzzing in his mind had begun but he had an inkling it was sometime after Shuichi left to buy something from the supermarket across the street. It had begun with a tiny whisper, a whisper that questioned his companion's intentions and from there it grew to the maddening, almost screaming in his brain he now struggled to stop. But a fire once fed is hard to put out and he found the small fire of paranoia within him rekindled, and gnawing at the small measure of trust he'd somehow formed for his companion.

_Why_ was the man helping him in the first place? He knew nothing about Shuichi, nothing except his name, the smiles and the knowing, almost mind-boggling looks he gave him. Shuichi, at least, knew the exact reason of his aimless wandering. It troubled him. It troubled him and made him paranoid to an almost maddening degree.

_He_ of all people should know the dangers that lay in naiveté. He had been naïve for so long, unbelieving that the darker things in life he'd seen in other people could possibly happen to him, _him of all people_. _He_ should be wary. But now, what did his action with a complete strange like Shuichi display?

_Naiveté_.

The English noun appeared in his mind, in striking white against the dark black. Bright. Obvious. _Thick_. He remembered smiling to himself when he first learnt about the word, thinking himself to be learnt in the ways of the world. Little did he know, little did he know the very same hand guiding his fingers along the description of that word….

Eiri buried his head into his hands, letting his cold palms press tightly against every curve of his face until his eyes almost hurt. And then, he lifted his head from his hand, morosely, and surveyed his surroundings. The hotel Shuichi had taken him to looked newer than the last one, with its cleaner floors and still-colorful walls. The room he had chosen did not strike Eiri as being anything but normal, almost like the last one, equipped with a double bed and, several drawers and all the other necessities plus a bathroom. The brunette's bag was on his bed, thrown haphazardly on the covers as if there was nothing important in them.

And idly, he wondered if Shuichi could be one of those murderous young men who looked normal on the outside but held an undeniable thirst of blood. And if, somehow, he was carrying a gun with him with which to kill him once he'd extracted what little bodily pleasure he could of him.

The image of Shuichi's naked body, glistening with sweat, as he pinned a helpless, equally naked, Eiri on the mattress with a predatory look flashed through Eiri mind and he cried out.

"I. am. NOT. Helpless," he growled angrily, unconsciously taking a fistful of the blanket beside him before standing up and throwing it angrily on the floor, unable to find anything else to vent his frustration on. He fell back again then, as he saw his vision blurring while eyeing the crumpled blanket on the floor, and buried his face into his hands again. He felt and tasted the tears on his palm and running down the back of his hands. It was warm and salty.

_He wants to kill you_.

The words were cold and hard and with nothing to fight it, he found himself led to believe they were _true_. And with that admittance, he found the very same thoughts that came to him earlier returning with more force. The gun in Shuichi's luggage, he had to know if there was a gun.

_'And if there was a gun?'_ he asked himself quietly. His mind answered back; _'You kill him before he kills you._'

The words made sense and as he took his hands away from his tear-streaked face and stood up, he quietly reasoned to himself that several more sins to his list wouldn't hurt. He had killed once, some more blood on his hands couldn't possibly make any more difference. Almost mechanically, he covered the short distance between his bed and Shuichi's with small, calculated steps and then stopped.

He stared the black bag, almost dreadfully knowing what it could possibly contain. He bent down slightly and slipped several fingers into the bag's handle, his heartbeat increasing a notch as he did so. It took some courage and then resolution to finally reach for the zippers with his other hand and to begin unzipping them.

He drew an unconscious breath inwards and then gave the zippers a pull, slowly, almost gently guiding the zippers around the bag. And then, finally, the bag was open and he found himself with the paranoia and the paranoia alone. Whatever voice in his mind, whatever presence had been ushering him until now had left him to deal with the consequences and he felt the anxiety rise up his throat.

Eiri closed his eyes, feeling the dread increase a fold, and let one hand slip into the bag, fingers sensitive for the all-too-familiar cold metal of a gun.

The first thing he felt was the seemingly endless amount of crumpled paper inside the bag that piqued his curiosity. And then, his fingers encountered the cold smoothness of a metal. Wandering further, his fingers identified it to be a handle, definitely a handle… of a gun? He felt the panic reach unbearable limits. Shuichi had a gun! He wanted to kill him! That was his intention all along!

He didn't hear the sound of their door opening, but somehow, the gasp and the sound of grocery bags falling on the floor with a dull thud hit his ears, ringing in his mind like an alarm. He turned sharply to the direction of the door, where a relatively composed yet obviously _surprise_ Shuichi stood, both hands lax while groceries pooled around his feet. Immediately, the panic was replaced with anger, hot, red anger.

And that anger multiplied into a fold, turning into _rage_ when Shuichi managed a smile and a small step forward.

"Eiri-kun, didn't your parents teach you not to poke at other people's things?" Shuichi said calmly, almost if not for the slight shaking in his voice, "It's rude." He finished plaintively but Eiri knew how Shuichi could have worded it instead, by the look that was a lot more readable than usual on the brunette's face.

_'What are you doing with my things?'_ was the unspoken meaning behind Shuichi's words and it gave Eiri the feeling of an upper hand. He promptly let go of the gun inside the bag and began striding forward, towards Shuichi who instinctively backed away until he was cornered to the door. The look on Shuichi's face told Eiri of his upper hand, he watched as the brunette struggled to keep a calm face throughout his advancements with morbid fascination. What his face would not betray, his eyes did and fear was written all over his blue eyes.

Eiri stopped in front of Shuichi, who looked up to him calmly, unfazed now though he showed he was anything but unfazed by Eiri's actions moments earlier.

"Eiri-kun, what are you doing?" Shuichi managed to ask softly. Hesitantly, he lifted his right hand and then put it back down again, seemingly remembering what the man had done earlier and no longer wanting a repeat of that.

But he was not prepared for the hand that darted out and pressed his neck against the back of door and he let out a strangled cry when Eiri did so, being completely taken by surprise and shocked at the almost unstoppable action.

Shuichi tilted his neck upwards, giving the blonde's hand the proper space and stared hard into Eiri's hard blue eyes while the bigger man closed his face with his.

"You wanted to kill me." Eiri hissed at first, his voice becoming louder.

"Kill you?" Shuichi rasped and then smiled while knitted his eyebrows. Eiri could see the glistening moisture on the smaller man's lips, the tears that wanted to fall but were held back. Still, he felt no sympathy, just rage and fear – fear for his own life. The fact that the brunette's chances of breaking from his grasp and running for his gun to kill him _now_ were slim kept him from breaking down. But he was close, so close – what he could have, he had reacted with fear and trembling he would now have to face with pure rage to defend himself from further harm. He learned the hard way. He would no longer make the same mistake.

"Eiri-kun… Eiri.." Shuichi managed as Eiri forced him harder onto the wall, "I…I…" The brunette lifted his hands and reached out, suddenly unafraid it seemed of pain as they reached for Eiri's face.

"I would never think… of killing you." Shuichi finished and then smiled, the action causing a tear to escape his left eye. His fingers touched the smooth skin of the blonde's face, unusually warm and red. "You… you are a friend." Shuichi added and slowly let his palm press against those cheeks.

The voices in Eiri's mind returned, screaming in unison.

_Liar_.

In response, Eiri shook his head and then glared at Shuichi, hard, glowering, like knives. "Liar." He spat, "Your façade, you mind games…. Sicken me."

"Eiri-kun, you're not thinking stra—" Shuichi cried sharply suddenly, his words cut off abruptly when Eiri used his other hand to pry off the thin hands on his face. In one swift movement, one which Eiri did without care for the smaller man, he pinned Shuichi's hands by their wrists above the brunette's head.

Shuichi closed his eyes and he hung his head while tears ran down his cheeks.

"What… what makes you think that, Eiri-kun!" He cried out but not in a desperate tone. It was a tone that held a different kind of fear, but was altogether one that made it sound like Shuichi did not care at all about being hurt by provoking his assailant more.

There was a period of silence and Shuichi threw his head up and eyed Eiri, patiently waiting for an answer. Eiri's gaze softened and he replied in a solid, calm tone.

"The gun." He whispered at first and then spoke more clearly. "The gun in your bag. You wanted to kill me after you _rape_ me."

Shuichi's face changed then, becoming calmer, as if he understood Eiri's thoughts. He took a deep breath and then smiled, gently, and spoke in a much, much calmer tone.

"Eiri, let me go and I'll show you the gun you're talking about." Shuichi told him and then paused, noting the dissatisfaction on the blonde's face. "Ne, please trust me, Eiri-kun?" He pleaded and gasped when Eiri tightened his hold around his neck.

"Please." Shuichi said finally.

Eiri calmed down when he heard Shuichi's voice and, as if he had been possessed and had no idea of his possession, he looked down, guiltily at the brunette whom he had forcefully pinned against the wall. Shocked by his own actions, he pulled away, releasing Shuichi's neck and hands as if he'd been burned and leant against the wall.

Without a word, Shuichi strode towards his bag and picked it up. He slipped a hand in and moments later produced an army knife, still in its sheath. Eiri stared, torn between fear and understanding but Shuichi quickly explained.

"It's an army knife. It was a gift from a friend." Shuichi said slowly, and then smiled gently. "Eiri-kun, if I was planning to kill anyone, it would be myself," He added in a softer tone and suddenly Eiri wasn't so sure what the words meant exactly.

Shuichi turned his back on him and began emptying the contents of his bag on the bed. In the silence, Eiri watched as bits and strips of paper, both crumpled and not spilled onto the bed, followed by pens, cards, several CDs, clothing articles and then a small laptop.

After that, Shuichi spun around and faced Eiri again. "I hope that answers your questions, Eiri." Shuichi whispered, "If anything, I'd rather send you back home alive. I have no intention of killing you at all, Eiri-kun."

With that said, Shuichi walked back towards the door and began picking up the various items that had spilled on the floor and putting them back into their plastic bags. Eiri, wordlessly, bent down then to help him while Shuichi managed a small 'Thank you'.

At the back of Eiri's mind, he was even more confused and wary. Disturbed by Shuichi's actions and intrigued. He wanted to know his reason. Need to. He hated this.

"Eiri."

Eiri stopped short of picking up an orange on the floor and met Shuichi's gaze.

"Despite this. Please. Don't think it was your fault. You're a good person."

_I believe in you_.

Eiri turned away, ashamed and disgusted.

ooo

When he had been younger, he had thought about flying over the towering walls that sternly guarded his family's estate and having a grand adventure outside those stone walls. He had thought the world outside to be an exciting place, dangerous but nothing he could not handle. He remembered afternoons penning thoughts into one of his notebooks; thoughts about the world outside, from what he'd seen on the television and movies his older sister enjoyed watching with him. He'd write stories, in the very same talent his mother was proud of and they were sure he'd be famous for one day. They thought it funny that sometimes he would write about damsels in distress and whatnot, a romantic adventure over the usual ambitious adventures where the hero overcame all and the heroine was not mentioned until the happily-ever-after clause.

Eiri laughed suddenly, a bitter one that echoed across the empty living room and briefly drowned out the dicing sound coming from the kitchen. In the state he was in now, those thoughts seemed distant and, flatly, ridiculous. He had seen and experienced enough to feel worthy to think so.

Eiri reached for the coffee mug set on the small table beside the two-seater sofa he was currently seated on and took a sip from it, while his right hand worked on erasing the last few paragraphs he had typed onto Shuichi's laptop. He paused, set his coffee back onto its place and leaned forward as he read a certain sentence and then continued with much backspacing, a look of dissatisfaction clear on his stern face.

Shuichi emerged from the kitchen then, carrying his own coffee mug though Eiri smelled chocolate from it, and sat himself at Eiri's feet, making full use of the small, wooden coffee table in front of the sofa by setting his own mug on it. The brunette looked up at him once, before turning away and drumming his fingers silently on the table.

Eiri didn't know when it happened or how, but somehow, following Shuichi led him here, in an old two-bedroom apartment in middle-class Tokyo. It was scarcely furnished, almost like the hotels he had gone with Shuichi in the course of one week, and had a lonely but warm atmosphere that struck Eiri the moment he stepped into it. There were no televisions, no telephones, and except for an old microwave, a refrigerator, a water heater and a music-component that looked like it was ready to fall apart into pieces anytime, the apartment was void of electronic appliances.

There was only one bed in the house, one that Shuichi readily gave up for Eiri's comfort while he slept with a thick blanket on the sofa. He supposed he should feel guilty and offer to sleep on the sofa instead, being in the stranger's home, but he never got to offering to warm the sofa instead. And it irked him that he should be bound by the rules of hospitality and that Shuichi should make him feel sorely guilty of himself.

He never said anything about it though, for fear of tainting that seemingly pure vision Shuichi held for him, needing it but at the same time loathing it.

"Eiri-kun." Shuichi said suddenly, tilting his head up to gaze at the blonde curiously. "Don't you miss your family?"

Eiri looked up from the screen and stared at Shuichi, his eyebrows knitted slightly. With the subject brought up, his mind briefly wandered back to his family and its state at that very moment. In tatters, perhaps, his mind offered with a tinge of sadism. Or they'd probably given up, under his father's commands too, no doubt.

His father was probably the one benefiting from his absence, his decision to run away from his sins like the coward he was and that thought reopened some of the deeper wounds within him, wounds that had been caused by his father that had never had the chance to truly heal throughout the years.

His lips dissolved into a thin line before moving to form a single syllable.

"No." Eiri said under his breath and was ready to drop the subject when his brunette companion shifted his position, propped his elbows on the sofa and looked up at him with an almost childishly curious look.

"I think, they miss you, Eiri-kun." Shuichi stated softly, almost too truthfully it hurt and Eiri was quick to frown bitterly at Shuichi. The brunette remained unfazed, as Eiri thought he would though, under his withering glare and it brought back that feeling of deep disgust. "If they're anything like you, I think they're probably nice."

Eiri breathed in sharply and reached for his mug to take a sip from it before hissing through his teeth with all the calm he could muster. "I'm _not_ nice." The statement passed his lips in dangerously quiet tone and Eiri watched as something lit in the other's hazy blue eyes for a fleeting moment before disappearing. Shuichi's expression softened and he edged closer, folding his arms on the sofa while his smiled seemed to widen, turn even more suffocating.

"Eiri-kun, I think you are." Shuichi whispered softly in a low, almost seductive tone that sent alarm bells ringing in his mind. Eiri blinked and shook his head, wanting nothing more but to ignore the statement and push back the disgust and hate rising up his throat. He tried, he really did, but when he opened his eyes again, he found himself in front of the face he had been running away from. Soft brown eyes watched him under slightly lidded eyes, glinting with mischief as its owner smiled knowingly…

_You're a nice kid. I like you, Eiri-kun._

Panic burst from his chest and he was barely aware of the movement his left hand had undertaken, seeing nothing but the laughter in those eyes.

The sound of Shuichi's sharp cry brought him back to his senses later on and the mocking face of the man he had no wish of ever seeing again was replaced by a whimpering brunette who was shivering slightly. Eiri stared as the brunette hugged himself while his hair, soaked by an unmistakable brown liquid which dripped and soaked into the sofa leaving a dark stain on it.

Eiri opened his mouth, all other emotion replaced with thick confusion and then pity as he tried to apologize for the action. He could not find the words though and deep down, could not call himself guilty for something he had done in his unawares. Somewhere, a voice told him it was Shuichi's fault for provoking him and for continuing to reopen old wounds with his supposedly offhanded and innocent questions, and comments. He believed that.

"I'm sorry." He heard Shuichi whisper weakly with his head bowed. The brunette pushed himself up with his hands and then seemed to shake slightly as he lifted his head up and faced Eiri. The expression on his face was almost unreadable, neither calm nor unfazed but distinctly _hurt_.

The brunette bowed lowly and then was finally able to smile. Eiri noticed then how chapped his lips were suddenly, _bruised_ and slightly red, like he'd been biting them with his teeth.

"I'm sorry, Eiri-kun." Shuichi repeated once more, in a louder, much more confident tone that made Eiri's heart sink with guilt. Pure guilt. "I won't talk about your family for now, if it hurts, Eiri-kun."

Shuichi bent then and silently extracted the empty mug from Eiri's lax hand then, ignoring the dark look Eiri was directing at him. After that he spun around and headed for the kitchen. Eiri heard the sound of the mug being added to their growing pile of dishes and then Shuichi re-emerged from the kitchen, his destination clearly the bathroom.

With the guilt having slowly begun building inside his chest, Eiri found himself unable to do _nothing_ anymore about all the guilt and self-hatred Shuichi seemed to be on purposely causing to stir within him. The mind games had to stop and he felt like a pawn trapped in a mastermind's game, unable to free himself despite his wish to do so.

The laptop fell onto the carpeted floor with a thud that quickly caught the brunette's attention as Eiri bolted upwards. For a few moments their eyes met in an intense staring match and then Eiri broke into a quick stride and grabbed Shuichi by his shoulders, ignoring the difference between their sizes and the pain he could be causing the smaller man. Shuichi managed a _"Why_?" before being cut off abruptly and then bombarded with Eiri's own questions.

"_WHY_ are you doing _THIS_ to me?" Eiri cried sharply, tightening his groups on Shuichi's shoulders until a pained cry reached his ears. "_What_ exactly do you _hope_ to accomplish!"

Shuichi began his struggle then, lifting his arms as high as they could before beginning to push the bigger man away, in an attempt to break the stronghold the blonde had on him. He opened his mouth and seemed to be, once more, struggling to keep his calm face in place.

"Why are you suddenly asking me this, Eiri-kun?" Shuichi questioned in a hurried tone even as he attempted to free himself from the man. The brunette clutched at the blonde's shirt and continued, making an effort against the shaking Eiri was subjecting him to. "I'm not doing anything." Shuichi added, almost desperately. "Let me go, please, Eiri-kun."

"This… this isn't like you, Eiri-kun." Shuichi whispered as he tugged at Eiri's clothes and looked up with pleading eyes at the man whose mercy he was under now. Eiri's blue eyes seemed to glow with madness and Shuichi's worry showed on his face.

The shaking stopped and Eiri brought his face closer to the brunette's. "And what do you know about me? Shuichi?" Shuichi's eyes widened and then, before he could do anything else, Eiri forcefully pushed him downwards.

"You talk as if you _know _me. But do you really do, _Shindou-san_?" Eiri spat and began hissing through gritted teeth while his face displayed an expression of complete and utter hurt. Shuichi began edging away slowly, unable to say anything else.

"I'm a murderer, _Shindou-san_." Eiri hissed and finished with a bitter laugh, taking small steps towards Shuichi who was continuously edging away.

Eiri stopped then and gripped his chest while tears began trailing down his cheeks in thin lines. "Tell me, Shindou-san. Am I good person? _Am I?" _

He paused and then took a deep breath while standing still. He eyed the brunette warily, finding relief in channeling all the self-hatred on the very person who sparked them within him, not quite seeing any other way around it but that.

Shuichi picked himself up from the floor then and finally made his stand. Just as desperately, he answered back, "Eiri…You _are_. Please. You_ are_."

Eiri breathed in sharply once more and yelled back. _"WHY_?" He took another step forward and Shuichi broke into a sprint, making his way around Eiri and then the bathroom where he tried to close the door and to lock Eiri out, obviously meaning to talk things out with the safety of a very solid door keeping them separate. Eiri was quick though, years of training made him naturally agile and before the smaller man could close the door on him he was at the doorframe, holding the other end of the knob while he used his body to stop the door from closing.

Shuichi stumbled back, tears beginning to stain his cheeks though Eiri could not be sure when the other had begun crying. As for him, he could feel the warmth on his cheeks, feel the dampness, but couldn't care less.

"You make me feel guilty. Feel disgusted with myself." Eiri hissed as he watched Shuichi tremble under his gaze. "I'm murderer. I killed. I _KILLED_. Tell me how I can be a good person!"

He strode forward and grabbed Shuichi by his shoulder. "Did you think you could pick up a random person on the street and make him follow you… make him.." He paused and then spat, "to whatever you want him to be?"

"I hate you." Eiri finally hissed before yanking the smaller man into the bathtub where he pinned him down with his body.

"I didn't… pick you off by random.." Shuichi whispered pleadingly and gasped when a pair of cold hands wrapped themselves around his neck. "_God_, Eiri-kun.. please… no…believe me..?"

Shuichi screamed when the fingers tightened around his neck and began struggling against the blonde. "Listen to me, _please_…. Eiri-kun.. _EIRI."_

"I dare you say I'm a good person! Right now while I wring your life off you." Eiri cried angrily as he pressed his fingers harder against Shuichi's neck. He didn't realize he was crying so hard until his own tears began dropping and trailing down Shuichi's face.

And he realized how different, _and helpless_, Shuichi looked under him. It was a far cry from smug, mocking expression…

"You're good person!" Shuichi managed to cry under despite the increasingly difficult process of breathing. "Eiri, believe me.. .you _are_."

Eiri sniffed but was otherwise unaffected, he kept his fingers tight around the smaller man, ignoring the tears, the red cheeks… the pain in Shuichi's eyes.

"You have to be a good person. You just have to be." Shuichi whispered finally when Eiri did not respond, finally stopping all form of resistance. Those eyes closed and he finally began sobbing, causing Eiri to loosen his grip as he stared, unmoving, in a state of shock.

_"_I want to believe you're a good person." Shuichi finished, mustering enough courage to stare Eiri in the eye. "Despite all." He whispered softly and Eiri collapsed into a broken sobbing heap on top of him.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" Eiri cried repeatedly into Shuichi's arms, finding more comfort in those stranger's arms than he did in any of his relatives after committing his sin. After being tainted. For the first time ever since the night he committed his sin, he found someone to pour his pain into, someone to accept him. "I didn't kill him… God.. I didn't want to… He wanted to hurt me… he raped me.. didn't want to… not a good person…"

The last thought that came to his mind before sleep and exhaustion finally claimed his broken body was the one Shuichi had told him repeatedly.

_"You're a good person, Eiri-kun."_

He believed that. He desperately wanted to believe that.

ooo


	2. Part 2

**Disclaimer**: Gravitation does not belong to me or anything. I'm merely borrowing its characters for amusement purposes. I don't get anything out of this but… fun and amusement. No, really.

ooo

**Cure**  
Part Two

ooo

It was warmth he couldn't remember feeling ever before, the kind that run down every vein in his body and guarded against the unbelievable cold outside and around him. Huddled beneath the heavy blankets that trapped the warmth their bodies emitted, Eiri held onto Shuichi like a lifeline, wrapped his arms around the other man's slender frame tighter whenever he felt it loosening and clutched at the other's clothing, refusing to let go. The bed was small, far too small for two grown men. It was a far cry from the queen-sized western bed his sister had insisted on buying for him but Eiri was thankful for it, for it gave him more reason to pull the man closer and closer.

Shuichi was warm to hold, to hug, _to touch_. He'd felt so numb, so spent after his initial breakdown, unable to feel anything else but the growing, gaping black hole within him but somehow, by touching Shuichi, he felt… warmth, understood and a little less damaged. And he craved for that warmth, anything other than the frightening numbness after all form of emotion, the beautiful red rage and anger, self-loathing and deep-hatred that sat to fill that black hole within him, dissipated, finally given the release it was long due, and left him defenseless once more.

"I don't want to go home." Eiri whispered quietly in a weak voice that was void of anything else but the evidence of the ravaging emptiness that reigned within him as he buried his face deeper into the cleft of the older man's shoulder. Shuichi shifted slightly, regarding his statement with a soft sigh that made Eiri want to hold the man closer, as if the sigh indicated a disappointment that would eventually have the other want nothing more to do with him. He knew what he was – a helpless burden that does nothing but insist on his helplessness, unable to do anything more, perhaps even, reluctant to do anything more – but he wanted, no, hoped fervently that Shuichi would find a way around that somehow. A way to break the walls around him he had created but could not breach. He tried to reason to himself, tried to bolster the hope… after all, this man, Shuichi, had gotten him this far, what was stopping him from getting further? And saving him?

"It would be better if you went home." Shuichi stated softly and in Eiri's mind, he imagined the calm, reassuring smile that accompanied that statement.

"They wouldn't want me." Eiri paused and corrected himself, "They _don't_ want me."

"Of course they want you." Shuichi assured and then he shifted, moving about his position on the bed carefully so the hands about his body weren't affected until he was face to face with the younger man. He offered a quiet smile, a simply curving of his lips. Eiri noticed the redness around his eyes.

"I hope you don't mind the position." The brunette whispered lowly, in an almost too cautious manner, before continuing. "If you stay here, nothing will happen." The smile on Shuichi's lips disappeared and his eyes looked grave, filled with wisdom that, Eiri thought, almost seemed like it came from experience. _Almost._

"You'll continue to hurt. You'll never know whether they want, or _wanted_ you back. You'll never know unless you go back. Back to your home, your family." Shuichi paused and then smiled, genuinely. "I told you you're not a bad person. I meant it, Eiri-kun." A warm hand traveled upwards, fingers trailing up the smooth skin on one side of Eiri's face in a caress and Eiri felt tiny jolts of electricity were escaping the ends of Shuichi's fingers to his skin.

"Why do you keep saying it?" Eiri questioned and though slightly perplexed, he no longer wanted to resist, to _hurt _Shuichi any more. He wanted to know the reason Shuichi kept on saying it, despite everything he had done to him that proved otherwise. He didn't know what to think about it, didn't know if he should be thankful about Shuichi being… disillusioned, maybe, and stubborn…

_I could have killed him and he'd have continued to believe I was a good person, even in death._

The thought sent shivers down his spine and he unconsciously tightened his hold around the older man as he closed his eyes and concentrated on the unbelievable warmth and gentleness Shuichi's caresses delivered. Shuichi wasn't answering him yet but time was something he knew they both have and could, maybe, exploit for a while. This much fate could give him, at least.

"Your eyes."

Eiri opened his eyes and stared into Shuichi's blue ones curiously. The brunette wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either.

"When people look into your eyes, they know you're not a bad person." Shuichi's fingers traced the dark bags around the blonde's eyes with his fingers, seemingly understanding the reason behind their existence and almost regretting them himself. "Bright blue, slightly shadowed, slightly-jaded but ultimately clear of anything else." Shuichi's voice seemed to turn wistful as his fingers began moving upwards until they were tracing the boy's hairline and carefully running into those soft, golden strands of hair.

_"You're good person!"_

_"You have to be a good person. You just have to be."_

Eiri froze, the other person's words rang in his mind suddenly, urgently, rising out of the chaotic memory and demanding to be addressed.

_"I want to believe you're a good person."_

"You're delusional." Eiri whispered harshly, though his eyes looked hurt. Feeling the numbness grow in strength once more, he unwrapped his arms around the brunette and distanced himself from the older man, unsure of what else to do. He frowned deeply, "You're not even sure. You just want to believe in these…things." He paused and then suddenly engulfed the other in a tight hug.

"You're the only person…. The only person… but you're not even sure!" Eiri grit his teeth and hissed, "I want to believe you… I want to believe you but you're not even sure yourself…."

Small hands pressed against his back and Eiri felt Shuichi press himself closer, until his head was carefully rested on his chest.

"Go home, Eiri-kun." Shuichi's voice was small and quiet. "Go home… to people who are sure. People who have been with you all your life and know who you are." The fingers behind his back were clutching at the fabric he wore and though the warmth of their bodies was almost unbearable it still seemed bitingly cold.

"They'll know if you're bad or not. They'll know." There was a pause, "And I'm sure they know… and will want you back. So just go home."

_Go home_.

The words repeated in his mind, hollow, cold void of the warmth Shuichi's voice used to carry. No words were exchanged after that, each person unable to say anything more, refusing to say anymore. But they continued like that, their bodies staying in a warm embrace while a deep and constantly widening rift stood between their souls.

When Eiri woke the next day, Shuichi was gone. There was a note on the drawer beside the small bed and it contained the two words that hadn't left nor stopped sounding in his mind since yesterday.

_GO HOME._

ooo

Eiri breathed in deeply, ignoring the dryness the cold air left in his throat, as he slowly lifted his head and looked upwards, to the huge, wooden doors that lead to his tiny little world. The perfect little world where everything could be changed at the snap of a finger, but whose own perfection was in itself, a flaw. A world without the beauty of coincidence, a world of monotonous, perfected existence. He stood motionless for a while, except for the slight movement he made with his lips as he took slow deep breaths, basking in the freedom he'd attained and stood to lose. He could begin to figure out the power that drove him, eventually, to this decision. All he knew was that when Shuichi told him to go home, he felt compelled to do nothing else but do so.

When he thought about it, it felt as if Shuichi had drawn him out in the first place, like a siren, and when freewill could not be found in him, sent him back, away, to where he belonged, breaking the enchantment cast upon him. Everything from that morning was a blur, Eiri couldn't quite remember what Shuichi's apartment looked like, how his laptop's keyboard felt under his fingers with its worn keys and the noise it made when hit, and how _he_ felt in his arms. The warmth was at the back of his mind, a word but never a feeling. It was warm, his brain told him when he tried to remember, but he could never remember how it truly felt. Adjectives, adjectives, and more adjectives – those were what came to his mind when he thought about Shuichi, but never the actual sensation.

And even without the sensations, he couldn't help but think harder, deeper, if only for more adjectives that failed to justify. It was an uneasy, _unsettling_, feeling he could not shake off – Shuichi had made an impact, burrowed deep into his shell and touched his soul in a way… in a way he could not explain.

_Eiri_.

_Go Home._

_Eiri_.

A sharp jolt wracked his body and when his eyes refocused, he found himself staring at pair of red-rimmed brown eyes. Disoriented, he tilted his head sideways, unable to focus on anything else until he realized a pair of hands was clutching at his shoulders then he looked up again dazedly.

"Mika." He whispered softly and moments later he was in a tight embrace, feeling a warmth he felt he could never feel again.

"God, Eiri, you worried us." He heard her older sister cry into his shoulder as she hugged him even tighter, as if fearing he would dissolve into thin air in her arms if she didn't, "You were gone for so long, we were worried – we looked for you everywhere and… and you had to show up like this, dazed and…" She broke the embrace and began sizing him up and down, "Nothing happened to you, right?" She stopped and embraced him again, "Don't scare us like that anymore."

Eiri closed his eyes, exhaustion finally catching up. When did he last eat? Sleep? He couldn't remember suddenly.

"We were this close to calling the Police to comb every inch of Japan for yo—Eiri? Eiri…" 

_"Eiri_"

ooo

His footsteps echoed across the dim hallway, light and muffled as he was wearing socks. He lifted a hand to trail his fingers lightly on the wallpapered walls as he went further, deeper into the hallway. There was an open door and a thin shaft of yellow light oozed from it. He walked faster, his heart beat gradually increasing as the distance between the door and him lessened.

"Eiri."

He heard it, a small rasp whisper, that made him stop and his blood freeze within a beat with its sickening familiarity. He exhaled slowly and then took a step forward, peering into the room with a deep feeling of dread interlaced with deadly curiosity.

"Yuki-sensei."

His body moved on its own accord before he could even conjure the thought to run away, far back into wherever he had come from. Peering into the crack in the door, he found a mirror of his own image, seated quietly, albeit, uncomfortably on a blue computer chair while a tall, handsome brunette, who easily towered above him, bent down and wrapped strong, lanky arms around him.

"Eiri…kun." The brunette bent lower and he saw the brunette's lips open slightly. He felt the warm breath from those lips as if he were there and not outside the room, in the relative safety of the darkness. "I love you." The brunette whispered, his voice a display of fake sincerity as he buried his nose into his hair.

_Breath in, breath out, breath in his smell._

Eiri shuddered violently as the man's hand began traveling downwards to his mirror self's pants until those nimble fingers were working on the zipper of his pants. Eiri screamed as that hand slipped under his underwear and began stroking him and he cried for the man to stop over and over until his voice was raw.

"Please stop! STOP! STOP!"

**STOP!**

There was a moan, mixed with a choked sob that was so familiar and disgustingly alien at the same time and when he opened his eyes he saw himself naked on the floor, straddled by his brunette tutor. By Yuki.

_Yuki Kitazawa_.

The name reverberated in his brain, slowly at first and faster, louder until it felt like _it_ was cutting through his brain with each.

"Stop it." He whispered quietly even as his own cries sounded in his ears over and over like a broken record. Eiri didn't want to hear this, didn't want to remember this, didn't want to _see_ this!

"SENSEI! STOP!" 

He screamed though he was sure it was his other self, not him. There was a pause. His world was suddenly silent, like time had stopped. Then there was a loud, exploding gunshot. It tore through that sacred silence with sheer brutal force.

Everything was red, so bright red as he saw himself beyond that door covered in warm blood. Red and sickly yellow mixed together beautifully in a display of morbid beauty. His white shirt was soaked in it and bits of Yuki Kitazawa's brain, or what was left of it, hung on his shoulder as he stood overlooking that hollow and bloodied shell.

Eiri screamed; _loud, guttural, agonizingly. _The adjectives danced through his brain.

His legs collapsed from under him and then he began crawling into the room, helplessly, crying over and over even when voice stopped coming out of his mouth.

Just _over _and _over_.

_Eiri-kun_.

He collected Yuki's body into his arms and began cradling him and began chanting "Please be alive" over and over like a mantra, as he closed his eyes and prayed and rocked the blood-covered body in his arms like a pitiful child.

_"Please be alive."_

When he opened his eyes again, he found himself staring at a pair of distinctively blue eyes instead of the chocolate brown eyes that had continuously haunted him in his dreams and a different but all-too-familiar face.

_Shuichi._

Eiri screamed long and hard.

ooo

Eiri's breath hitched and his eyelids flew open, revealing bloodshot eyes that darted back and forth, searching for a hidden demon behind the shadows that clustered together ominously in the dark corners of his spacious room. His door was slightly open and the little line of bright light that filtered through the thin opening immediately caught his attention, making his heart beat twice as fast for a moment before a surge of relief, not calm, finally swept through him as his mind finally told him where he was.

Wearily, he sat up, scarcely taking note of the dull pain in his joints which was, surely, the cause of sleeping far too long, and ran a hand through his dampened blonde hair. Eiri took long, deep breaths that echoed hollowly across the room as he struggled to compose himself while his frame shook slightly with each breath. The room was dark, save for the weak yellowish light a small antique lamp – one his mother, when she was still alive, bought many years ago in France – gave out as it sat on the small, wooden chestnut table beside his bed. The thick curtains above his room's windows were drawn tightly, preventing any form of light from spilling forth into it and it made it impossible for Eiri to know what time it was. But then, it was not like he cared.

The world had become substantially grayer after _that_ incident, and though he found small pieces of himself with the little freedom, and maybe, exploitation he had allowed himself to indulge in he was still far from being whole. That much, he knew.

"Aniki?" Eiri could practically _see _the fear and apprehension behind that quiet voice, as it shook ever so slightly.

He turned to direction of the door and squinted when his younger brother gave the door a slight push, letting lighter pour into the room. And for a moment, he felt like a creature of the dark, burnt by the bright, holy light. Shuichi came to his mind.

"Tatsuha." Eiri whispered flatly in response, ignoring the dryness of his throat while he slipped out of his bed and into the fluffy black and white sleepers beside his bed. His younger brother watched him carefully with, what Eiri imagined to be, fear-filled eyes. And, he imagined, those eyes no longer being able to recognize him. He had been changed so much, too much, for anyone to ever look at him without a mixture of pity and concern, even fear. Even he himself could not be sure what he had become…

Shuichi's blue eyes suddenly came to his mind, the way they looked in contrast to the yellowing white of an old bathtub, while he wrapped his digits tightly around the older man's delicate neck with the intent of squeezing the life and the false sincerity out of him.

He had become a monster and that was, at least, a given.

You know his eyes never looked at you that way… 

Tatsuha took several steps forward, his sock-clad feet making dull noises on the carpeted floor as he made his way towards him. "..Aniki…" His younger brother called out meekly once more and Eiri responded with a slight nod.

"What is it?" Eiri asked quietly, not intending the slight tone of irritation that had somehow come out with it. Tatsuha flinched visibly and Eiri suddenly felt hard pressed to tell his brother he was in no way irritated with him.

"I'm sorry…" Eiri whispered quietly in a tone that was a tad monotonous though he was sincere. He padded towards his brother and placed his hands on the smaller boy's shoulders. Then, he pressed his forehead against his brother's. "..I didn't mean it, Tatsuha."

"I know you didn't…" Tatsuha said in a small voice, "'Neesan said you'd be like this…" He sounded hopeful and Eiri's breath hitched when the smaller boy's arms wrapped around him. "I miss the older Aniki... but you'll do.. She said you'll get better… won't you?"

Dark eyes looked up at him questioningly and Eiri was suddenly at loss for words. He hung his head and sighed deeply.

"…I hope I do." Eiri breathed sincerely.

ooo

Days later, Eiri found himself slipping into a state of pseudo-normality in an attempt to appease everyone. He didn't want them to feel sorry for him, to worry for him. He didn't want them looking at him differently and, most of all, he sincerely wanted to get better. To go _back_, if he could. The natural solution his mind came up with was to try to go back into old routine, to do as he would before, to watch his temper and to force a smile whenever needed.

It wasn't so easy but it was working. Very soon, they weren't treating him like fragile china and it was a breathier from what he had been subjected to before. They were still careful with what they said and exchanged concerned looks but they were less concerned about a wrong answer destroying him completely.

It made him feel… _better_, or at least convince himself enough that he was on the road to getting better. Something felt wrong and he felt _incomplete_. It took days before he finally accepted it deep within himself that he wanted to meet Shuichi again, to find him and to…

…he wasn't even sure what he wanted to do when he found Shuichi. And when he did think about it he remembered, vividly, strangling the older man on the floor.

Shuichi's eyes, his voice, his words… the way his skin looked as he strangled him, the tears, the desperation; all those things would not leave him. They haunted him, chased him into the morning light, where his nightmares with Kitazawa would go no further, and _remained_.

_Go home_.

_Despite all… You're a good person, Eiri-kun_.

Eiri's lips dipped into a frown as he toyed with the peas on his plate, prodding at the small green vegetables with a fork disinterestedly. Mika, his older sister, was quick to cast him a concerned look, which he caught at the edge of his sight. He forced his lips upwards into a smile and turned to his sister.

"I'm fine." He said quietly, albeit a tad pensively. Mika was not pleased but she managed a smile, as if it was her own way of telling herself everything was fine. Eiri decided his sister's long suffering was certainly an admirable trait of hers.

He decided to change the subject; "So when's Tohma coming around?" He paused and popped some of those peas in his mouth. "He's usually around, isn't he? Or is work hindering him?" There was a hint of sarcasm in Eiri's voice when he spoke and he knew he didn't need to say anything more to state the obvious.

The obvious being the fact that Tohma, Mika's husband, had an unnatural obsession with him and his well being. Whether it was truly platonic or not, as Tohma claimed it was, Eiri never got to asking about and neither did he have any wish to do so. That was a matter between Mika and Tohma, besides he already had his fair share stinking suspicions regarding the matter.

If his instincts were anything to go by, he was sure, Tohma held more than platonic fatherly love for him.

For a few seconds, Mika's lips were thin and grave and then she spoke in response to his query. "He's being held up at work but should be here with us soon enough—" Mika, bestowed with the Uesugi clan's notorious cunning that led to its survival through out the passing eras, swiftly changed the subject, "He's also bringing Ryuichi to dinner tonight, 'tousan."

The clan patriarch smiled at his daughter from his seat at one end of the long dining table. "That's good, Tatsuha always loved being around that man." The elder Uesugi chuckled deeply and Eiri felt a slight shiver as his father's eyes fell on him. "Which reminds me, Eiri's never met Sakuma-san, has he?"

"No, 'tousan." Eiri whispered. Tatsuha, who was seated beside the older Uesugi son, propped his elbows on the dining table and grinned at his father.

"Nope, 'tousan, because Aniki doesn't like music and I only meet him at the studio!" Tatsuha beamed, "Ryu-chan's all nice and doesn't mind when I ask for autograp—" The mahogany doors to the dining room opened suddenly and Tatsuha stopped, snapping his head quickly to the direction of the door as he waited in anticipation. Eiri ignored him and decided against reminding his younger brother about his manners.

Two young men, one a redhead the other a blonde like Eiri, entered into the dining room. Eiri knew the blonde to be Tohma and instantly assumed the redhead to be Sakuma Ryuichi; Japan's current number one vocalist and bachelor. He knew close to nothing about Japan's pop music scene and preferred traditional opera and orchestral music himself but the bold colors, the flashy shades, and sheer amount of _vinyl_ on the man screamed whore. And whore translated to pop star in Eiri's vocabulary.

"RYU-CHAN!" Tatsuha squealed, bolting from his seat to launch at the redhead. Eiri watched disdainfully as the pop star met his younger brother with open arms and began _hugging_ him. Alarms went off in Eiri's mind as the innocent hugging translated into heavy petting in his eyes. Without realizing it, he had stood up from his seat and fixed a pair of glowering eyes on the two. He was about to march up to them, to break the two off, to make them _stop_ tainting his little brother when Tohma's soft voice filtered into the cloud of hatred in his mind, bringing with it rational thinking.

"_Eiri-kun._"

Eiri froze on the spot and slowly turned to his brother-in-law who looked very, very concerned. He tried to ignore what he had almost done and hoped Tatsuha and his… _friend_ (the word sounded so dirty in his mind) hadn't noticed him because within Tohma's eyes he saw _pity_. Pity of what he had become.

"_Tohma_." Eiri said quietly, acknowledging the older man's arrival. He bowed deeply and spun on his heels, sitting back into his chair like a robot under explicit orders. He felt their eyes on him; his sister's, his father's. His only solace was the fact that his brother was still excitedly catching up with Sakuma at one corner of the room.

Ryuichi was indulging him. _Readying him for the kill_, a whisper suggested in his mind sinisterly.

Eiri did not protest against the whisper, knowing what it said could be true.

"Uesugi-san, I apologize for the delay." Tohma bowed deeply, removing the quaker hat nestled on his head. "Ryuichi, this is my family—" he smiled, "of course, you know Tatsuha-kun already but this is my wife…"

Eiri ignored them and their voices, choosing to keep his eye on his brother while tuning out the useless chat about him. He'd gotten good at it after doing it for a while; ignoring the idle chat about him in the hallways, the kitchen….

_"…Shuichi…"_ the name filtered into his mind, crisp and clear, screaming for attention. Eiri's breath caught but he eased moments later having successfully convinced himself it was just his imagination.

Were you worried about your family asking the public to bring their prince back? Shuichi's voice flittered through his mind bearing the very same near-mocking quality it did the first time he heard it. Eiri merely ignored it and lowered his eyes to his plate. 

_"…haven't found… him… Shuichi…. dead… hope not…"_

The fragments danced about his mind, tauntingly, and without realizing it, he was biting his lower lip it drew blood. Finally, he snapped his head up and turned sharply to the, by now, seated Tohma.

_….yone knows anything about his current whereabouts, please contact us._

"What… what about Shuichi?" Eiri quietly questioned while making eye-contact with his brother-in-law. Tohma arched an eyebrow, visibly surprised and he exchanged quizzical looks with his wife and father-in-law before meeting his gaze again.

"And since when were you interested in my work, Eiri-kun?" _Eiri-kun_. Tohma questioned back amusedly. Tatsuha giggled behind Eiri, equally amused.

"I'm just…" Eiri lowered his eyes, clearly embarrassed. It couldn't possibly be the same person… but… "…curious."

"Oh." Tohma shrugged and gave Eiri a calming smile, "Well… Shuichi's just one of the singers I recently signed into my company." Tohma signed and sat back, giving Ryuichi a look before continuing. "That was several weeks ago but shortly after our deal he disappeared, creating one big media hell. I've been working overtime to keep things in check, Eiri-kun."

Ryuichi nodded from his seat across Tatsuha, "Shu-chan was talented, no da." He turned to Eiri, "But lately, all the clues the police have found lead to his former producer…who seems to have either made him disappear or _killed him_."

_please contact us…. please contact us…_

We were this close to calling the Police to comb every inch of Japan… 

Eiri stared blankly at Ryuichi. "Oh."

The redhead laughed animatedly and turned to Tatsuha, "Look's like your brother really has nothing for pop music, ne? Tatsu-chan?"

_..this close to calling the Police.._

_..his current whereabouts.._

Eiri caught his younger brother smile beside him and the younger Uesugi leaned forward and planted his elbows on the table. "He doesn't even know you, Ryu-chan! How's he to know Shuichi?" Tatsuha giggled, "But yeah, Aniki likes listening to all those weird things that sound like people moaning and..…"

"How does he look?" Eiri blurted out suddenly with a tone of urgency in his voice. The dining room was suddenly silent as they all turned their eyes on him. Worry. Pity. Surprise. He felt all of those within their gazes.

"Eiri-kun?" Tohma looked about ready to rise from his seat to see for himself what was wrong with his brother in law.

_Eiri-kun.. despite all _

"Stop calling me 'Eiri-kun'," Eiri all but ground out He balled his hands into fists on his lap and refused to meet his brother-in-law's worried gaze. "How does he look?"

There was silence for a few long moments. Eiri heard his heart beat loud in his ears. And then, there was the sound of someone shifting in their seat. He looked up and found his younger brother's pop star friend had leant forward and fixed his eyes on him. There was a mischievous glint in those, he realized, clear blue eyes. The pop star's eyes looked dangerous and exotic, then familiar. They looked like they were not that of a normal human's.

Eiri found he had been holding his breath and he sighed before finally finding the strength to _glare_ back.

Ryuichi merely smiled and lifted a hand to point at his face.

"He kinda looks like me, no da. Eiri-kun."

Eiri stared at the man dumbfounded but soon, by some trick of the light he reckoned, he found himself staring at a grinning, predatory Shindou Shuichi. Stunned like a moth who'd gotten too close to the fire, almost to the point of getting its wings burned, he blinked away from the man's gaze and hung his head.

He stared back at his plate.

_"Oh_." Eiri whispered dully and acted as if he had already lost interest with the topic.

ooo

Eiri found he couldn't sleep the following night and lay in his bed staring at the ceiling blankly, as if the dark shadowy patches on it would grow and swallow him if he looked away even for just a second. His hands clutched at the blankets tightly, like a lifeline, while he made it sure it covered him wholly, leaving nothing but the upper part of his face.

_"Eiri-kun_." The ghoulish whisper floated in the air, a sound so soft and bare, yet distinctively _there_. Eiri's breathing hitched and he began gasping for breath as his gaze was suddenly directed at the source of the voice.

"No." he whispered weakly as he pulled the blanket tighter around him. Hidden by a vale of shadows, Shuichi stood at his doorway, carrying the luggage he carried the first time they met. He was smiling.

Eiri wished he would just go away.

"What's wrong, Eiri-kun?" Shuichi whispered softly, "Can't sleep?" The boyish man sighed softly and bent down to leave his luggage on the floor beside the door. He straightened back up with an odd creaking sound that made Eiri freeze and then he stepped out of the shadows. He was chuckling lightly with bright, mischievous eyes.

The light from the moon outside the open windows, which Eiri distinctly remembered closing before drawing his room curtains tightly closed, eagerly illuminated Shuichi's slender frame. It lent his skin an oddly vivid blue hue.

It also traced every scar, laceration, cut and _blood_ on his face and neck.

Eiri heard a gasp and realized it was his own. "_Shuichi_," He managed to _breathe _out as the older man sauntered closer to his bed.

Shuichi gave him an odd look and then seemed to hesitate. He lifted a hand, dripping with blood, to trace the bloodied lines on his neck and Eiri noticed the fading blue marks of a hand on it glowing in the moonlight. "It hurts a bit, Eiri-kun," Shuichi muttered and then continued giddily, reminding Eiri strongly of Ryuichi. "And the blood is a bitch to take off but… otherwise, I'm fine!"

The brunette grinned impishly at the fearful look on Eiri's face before plopping onto the boy's bed and laughing _giddily_. "What's wrong, Eiri-kun?" Shuichi's eyebrows met and his eyes narrowed, "Afraid of me?" A thick trail of blood began trailing down from his damp hair to his forehead and he lifted a hand to wipe it away with his fingers. He sighed exasperatedly, "Really, you get your hair done in a high-class salon a few days ago and it's all ruined after you lie in a pool of your own blood…"

"Why… why are you here…?" Eiri hissed, his jaw tight as he edged away from the man, consciously making sure the blanket protectively covered him. Shuichi cupped his chin and thought, so it looked, for a few long, pregnant, moments before smiling amusedly at him. He leant forward and made eye contact with the boy.

"Because I want to be here, _Eiri-kun_." Eiri glared at him and Shuichi grinned. "Or because I simply have no choice…" Shuichi turned around, revealing a gaping, bleeding hole at the back of his head where a fraction of his skull was missing. The brunette shook his head slowly; thoughtfully, Eiri's mind supplied.

"You killed me." Came the soft, thoughtful whisper from the brunette and Eiri saw him lift a hand to trace the dark marks on his neck. "…tightened your fingers around my neck.. so tight.. so tight until I couldn't breathe…." A light breathy laugh floated across the room hauntingly, "Until I saw _stars_, Eiri-kun. Have you ever seen those stars? They _die_… they call out to you as they go out one by one sparkling red.. blue.. yellow… and then black… die.. die.. as oxygen is drained from your lungs--"

"What are you talking about…." Eiri trailed away, and, out of impulse, threw his blanket at the man. "_I didn't kill you!_"

Shuichi laughed, deeply, deeper than he had ever laughed before. Distantly, Eiri heard a memory of Shuichi's laughter and wondered… just wondered if he had actually heard it.

"But you did, _Eiri-kun_." Shuichi turned back to him and grinned, suddenly possessing another's face on his head. _Yuki Kitzawa_'s face.

Eiri paled, turning white as sheet, and stood on the bed, pressing himself thin against the bed-board and the wall in an attempt to gain as much distance from the _dead man_ as possible. "You're supposed to be dead!" Eiri paused while Kitazawa laughed bemusedly at his reaction, "I… I…" he broke into tears without realizing it, "I _killed _you!"

His former teacher grinned toothily at him and ran a hand through his hair only to end up tracing the suddenly present and gaping hole on his forehead. "Eiri-kun," Kitazawa began in the gentle, parental tone he used to use on him while he continued, curiously, fingering the gaping wound on his forehead. "Didn't I tell you; you _killed_ me?" He sighed and finally gave up on the wound, using his hands instead to support his body from behind. "And… I look pretty much dead, don't I?"

Kitazawa's lips curled into a smirk and he threw his former student a probing look before breaking into throaty laughter. "You're scared like _shit_, aren't you, Eiri-kun?" He whispered mockingly before rising from Eiri's bed. The former teacher turned to face his student, arms spread as he bestowed the boy a look of pity. "Can't handle what you began, can—"

"_SHUT UP!_" Eiri yelled, throwing the nearest thing his hands came in contact with, which was the tall glass of water he kept on his nightstand. The glass sailed into the air, towards Kitazawa's direction, before hitting an invisible barrier in front of him and shattering into hundreds of pieces. Several of the glass' larger fragments found rest on the late teacher's handsome but bloodied face, tearing through unyielding skin like paper. Rivulets of blood began flowing down from the fresh wounds but the teacher was unfazed and unfeeling. Without flinching, he plucked the pieces out one by one and tossed them aside to join its kind on the carpeted floor with a dull clank.

Eiri breathed in sharply and leapt of the bed, dashing towards the wall farthest from his former teacher. "THIS A DREAM!" He screamed as if the realization would eventually translate into salvation and he would wake up in his bed, unharmed and _alon_e. Kitazawa rolled his eyes, revealing the blood-speckled whites of his eyes and tsk'ed while he shook his head disapprovingly at his former student.

"_Eiri-kun_ tsk tsk… wouldn't you _want_ this to be a dream?"

"This _is_ a _dream_." Eiri spat angrily as he continued edging away to compensate for the movements his former teacher was taking. "_You're dead_. _Dead people _stay_ dead."_

Kitazawa licked his lips and smiled, "I'm _not_ staying dead, am I? Eiri-kun?" He sighed, "See, Eiri-kun… killing someone has…_unfortunate_ … side effects." He paused and smiled, adding as an afterthought, "_Consequences_."

"Shut up."

Kitazawa laughed again and then his eyebrows shot up, in surprise. The teacher's mouth opened, "Oh, watch _Shuichi_-kun's bag, _Eiri-kun_—"

_Shuichi-kun_.

Eiri stopped moving and looked down, eyes falling on a familiar black bag on the floor. It zipper was not fully closed, revealing a small circle of… black that, as much as he didn't wish it did, piqued Eiri's curiosity.

"Curious, aren't you, _Eiri-kun_?" Kitazawa whispered in his ears, suddenly appearing beside him. Eiri jumped and by instinct, edged away sharply while Kitazawa laughed at his reaction.

"Want to see more of your _handiwork_?"

Eiri glared, warnings going out all over in his mind, he opened his mouth to say 'no' but Kitazawa had already picked up Shuichi's bag and began unzipping it.

"Never ask a child an important question," Kitazawa said in an eerily quiet voice, "Eiri-kun… you know that…" His lips curved into a smile and Eiri watched as his former teacher's hand disappeared into the bag.

"Take a deep breath now, _Eiri-kun_," The former teacher murmured with amusement in his voice while he watched Eiri through narrow, slitted eyes. "You might not like your own creation."

Eiri ignored him, knitting his eyebrows as his eyes fixed onto the hand in the bag. He wanted to turn his eyes away and to run as far away from the man as he could but his eyes remained fixed on the hand inside the bag. It refused to heed his most fervent mental wish to _look away_ and his whole body followed suit with the rebellion. His former teacher noticed this and smiled knowingly at him. Tauntingly.

"What are you doing to me?" Eiri managed to hiss.

His teacher stopped 'rummaging' through the bag to look at him in speculation. He smiled and then pulled his hand out of the bag, revealing long, damp strands of reddish-brown hair. Using his fingers, he began demonstrating how soft and silky they were to touch.

Eiri's eyes widened.

"Such beautiful hair going to waste…" Kitazawa sighed and Eiri caught a glimpse of mischief in his eyes. "Poor _Shuichi-kun—_" Eiri's eyes widened, "All suffocated in the small bag…" Kitazawa's voice dripped, turning menacing and he suddenly tugged at the lock of hair violently. Attached to the hair was a bodiless head doused in blood but not nearly indistinguishable enough for Eiri as strikingly familiar blue eyes looked out to him through a veil of bloodied hair.

_You killed me, Eiri-kun_.

Eiri gasped and unconsciously took a step backwards. "No…"

"_Yes_." Kitazawa corrected him with a calm smile. He carefully began tucking the decapitated head's loose hair into its. "_Ne_, _Shuichi-kun?"_

"NO." Eiri repeated, shaking as he took yet another step backwards.

Its eyelids fluttered and its lips spread into a thin line before opening slowly. "You killed me, _Eiri-kun_." A pause and its lips trembled. Tears mixed with blood began trailing down its soiled cheeks, "Just like you killed _him_. You killed _me_. _Why!"_

_You strangled me. _

_You were supposed to be a good person._

"_You murdered me_." It spat accusingly before its eyes narrowed and focused solely on Eiri. _Murderer_.

"NO!" Eiri asserted himself, sweeping hand a cross as if its verbal accusations had turned into deadly, invisible projectile objects.

The sound of rushing water suddenly rushed into his ears and when he spun around, he realized he was no longer in his room but in one big spacious bathroom. The source of the sound was a bathtub whose tap was left to run wildly and pinkish water, water mixed with _blood_, overflowed from it.

_You killed me_.

"No," Eiri whispered softly in a trembling voice. "No…" he repeated before invisible hands tightened around his neck, choking him.

_Retribution_; the English noun rang clearly in his mind and, closing his eyes, he let out a loud agonized scream.

When his eyes shot open, an unyielding ceiling and the fading darkness welcomed him.

He was alone.

ooo

The morning after, he found himself in a hazy daze. He wandered around the mansion with blank expression on his face. His teacher's words from his dream the night before hung at the back of his mind, faint but not enough so that he could ignore it with the silence he had imposed on himself. And the silence, the loneliness, the _uncertainty_ and _guilt_ were eating at him… guilt for not knowing why he was like this. Was there something wrong with his mind? Something so wrong he somehow can't get better no matter how he _tried_? Was Shuichi _alive_?

Did he... kill him?

_"Seguchi-san_." Eiri's mouth automatically opened to form the words when he caught the sight of his blonde brother-in-law's back. The questions became louder in his mind and he found, he had to do something. _Anything_.

The man in question stopped in his tracks and turned halfway to face his brother-in-law questioningly. A smile was present on his lips but it was strained and if one looked hard enough, if one knew him well enough, they would notice this easily. Eiri did.

"Yes? What is it Eiri-kun?"

They stood in the middle of an open hallway that overlooked their family garden It reminded everyone who went through it of the traditional Japanese patios; only the Uesugi mansion was far from a traditional Japanese mansion with its Western-style influenced structure and interior design.

Eiri swallowed. "I want to know about Shuichi," He said firmly. "Shindou Shuichi."

Tohma's eyes narrowed slightly and his smiled faltered as he spoke, "Why the sudden interest, Eiri-kun?"

_Eiri-kun_….

"I'm curious." Eiri answered in a clipped tone. The youth clenched his jaws and eyed Tohma seriously, "I need to know" he lowered his gaze, "…about him…"

"Are you keeping something from me?" His brother-in-law's voice was quiet and dangerous, prepared to deal swift judgment… for him. Eiri kept his gaze down, knowing all too well how his eyes could easily betray him against such a man.

"No," He breathed and narrowed his eyes, "I'm just curious….."

"Ah."

Eiri took a deep breath and suddenly felt insecure under his brother-in-law's scrutinizing gaze. Never before had he been in this position; he'd known Tohma was a ruthless businessman, known him for his cunning and the like. Mika had told him enough, he'd seen. Eiri had never had a reason to feel fear in his presence but, for some reason, the way those eyes quietly and very efficiently studied his form made him terribly… bare.

_He knows_.

"Eiri-kun," Tohma finally spoke, "Why are you afraid?" Footsteps sounded on the wooden floors and then a warm hand was laid on his shoulder. "Eiri-kun," Tohma sighed, "I'm not suspecting you or anything. I'm just…worried. Like your sister."

"This is unbecoming of you, Eiri-kun." Tohma continued calmly and the grip on Eiri's shoulder tightened. "Ryuichi is taking Tatsuha to my studio this afternoon. Maybe you should come, if you like."

Eiri said nothing in response and Tohma cupped his chin and tilted his head upwards. Staring into the youth's eyes, boring into Eiri's soul, Tohma spoke, "If he interests you enough, find more about him yourself, Eiri-kun."

Eiri's eyebrows furrowed and he read into the hidden words his brother-in-law's words carried.

_Go find him, _Eiri_-kun._

ooo


	3. Part 3

**Disclaimer:** Gravitation does not belong to me or anything. I'm merely borrowing its characters for amusement purposes. I don't get anything out of this but… fun and amusement. No, really.

**A/N: **It's nice to know people actually _read_ this thing. (laughs) At least, since I don't really have a lot of reviews for this thing, I should take the time to address them and thank them : 3! This is the last and final part of the actual fic; I wrote an _Epilogue_ part a few days after I decided it was 'finished', though, I'm not sure it's worth posting with this or anything. It was part of my attempt to show I… really meant for them to somehow pop into their more IC selves. I'm not sure if I succeeded or just made Shuichi all the more whacked. X3

I hope everyone enjoys, despite the massive OOCness abound. I like to think I had Tohma, Ryuichi, and Hiro at least… vaguely… in tact. X3

Much Thanks to **London Girl**, **DeMoN4EvA**, **Goddess G**, **Shirubaa Kitsune**, **NightstarAngel**, and **Anon** (my longest Gurabite reviewer for this fic? X3) for reviewing :D! To answer some questions about this fic; Eiri would be about 16, 17 in this fic – I never really thought about his age – and Shuichi is older, around Eiri's age in the anime. And, **Anon**, I've actually told this could be an original fic… it probably should be (lol) but…. Well, I guess I know what characters I had in mind when I wrote them and I was thinking… what if Shuichi was put under these circumstance? How twisted would he come out? .. …I admittedly have a fascination with grilling Shuichi so... um yeah. And as for Shuichi being clairvoyant? I don't think I really meant that literally, but... I've thought about Shuichi having either amazing luck and.. yeah, being in some.. weird, unexplainable state after his.. shock. X3 (Translation : I like to let my brain and hands do the thinking while I stay up late for them and get drunk on lemon tea.)

ooo

**Cure  
**Part Three

ooo

He tried to remember where the apartment was, looking through his memories in search for landmarks and tiny details that would help him find it. It took time and little persuasion from his part so he could be granted freedom to roam around Tokyo freely. He had no plans of running away ever again, he assured them, but he needed the space, the freedom to see the world outside. Of course, Tohma had an inkling of his true reasons for asking for the freedom though he never voiced it out. The blonde executive would give him knowing looks, sympathizing looks before offering a calm smile.

He would give Tohma the same calm, sometimes blank, look in response every time the Executive did this. Deep down, however, this subtle form of support oddly kept Eiri's hopes up. Though not too much and certainly not without a dash of reluctance.

Eiri began his search for the old apartment he had been taken to, and Shuichi himself, the very afternoon Tohma gave him his permission of sorts. The first time he'd stepped afoot N-G records and took in the expensive-looking lobby filled with, mostly, smiling _beautiful_ people, he found himself unable to picture Shuichi in their midst. Shindou Shuichi, performer or not, had been quiet, calm, and almost disturbingly akin to his blonde brother-in-law though more subdued and… _desperate_.

Eiri remembered, all too clearly, how desperate those eyes had been as they looked up to him with welling tears; as he strangled their owner with his bare hands. Eiri also remembered his voice, the quiet desperation it carried, and the will to believe something that might not be necessarily true.

Now, as Eiri stood in front of the door he'd hardly paid attention to the first and last time he stood in front of him, he felt apprehension. He feared. Licking his dried lips and ignoring the biting cold, he dug his gloved hands into the pockets of his leather jacket and pulled out an old key. The landowner had been kind enough to give him a copy of it, having, somewhat, an understanding of the situation.

A few nights before, in the height of the case regarding Shindou Shuichi's disappearance, they had found irreputable evidence that lead to a glaring possibility the young singer was _suicidal_. There were no suicide notes, no personal admittance from the singer's colleagues. Just one cold, hard fact; his previous manager, now sitting in house arrest, had tried to rape him and _murder_ him the night he disappeared. They had caught it on tape and an edited version had been fed to the mass media. Tohma, who had been sitting quietly beside him while it aired on local TV, quietly informed him of how the former had not been a failed attempt at all and how they had kept a considerable amount of footage under wraps.

Eiri took a deep breath and slipped the key into the keyhole. He turned slowly and pushed the door open while his heart beat with anticipation. The sound of a lonely guitar tune carried to his ears before stopping abruptly.

"_Shuichi…? Is that you?" _

Eiri frowned and stepped into the apartment. "No." He answered truthfully, while his eyes scanned the apartment's interior in search of the voice's owner. He closed the door behind him quietly and shortly after and a man with long chestnut brown hair emerged from one of the rooms in front of him. The longhaired brunette held an old guitar in one hand and stared at him flatly.

"Who are you?" The man questioned warily and Eiri quickly noticed the dark circles around the man's eyes. Eiri closed his eyes and bowed deeply.

"I'm Uesugi Eiri." Eiri said quietly, "I take it… Shindou-san isn't around?"

A frown marred the man's features and he broke into a small laugh, "You're looking for Shuichi too, huh?"

Eiri nodded, "I… I thought he lived here. He.. he brought me here last time."

Surprise flittered across the brunette's face. Eiri watched the other man chuckle to himself before running a hand through his hair. "So that explains the mess the place was in…" The brunette whispered to himself, Eiri thought though he heard the words clearly, "…that Shuichi… never knows to clean up…"

Eiri kept his silence, finding it appropriate to do so even while a small part of him thought otherwise. After a short and thoughtful pause, the brunette turned to him and began to finally introduce himself. "I'm Hiro, Nakano Hiro." The brunette told him as he walked across the room and set his guitar on one of the sofas. "I'm Shuichi's best friend." He paused and ran his fingers across the aging surface of the guitar, "Or _was_ his best friend. I'm not quite sure myself, you know?" Hiro laughed lightly and turned to Eiri once again.

"What are you to him, ..Ue..sa-"

"Uesugi-san," Eiri corrected quietly and Hiro chuckled amusedly.

"So what are you to him?" Hiro continued and then he folded his arms and leant against a sofa. "His lover, his boytoy," Eiri tensed, "his new manager or some new 'band member'? Take your pick, Uesugi-san."

"You're certainly harsh on him." Eiri found himself saying quietly. Hiro smiled, though not in a derisive way at all, and began shaking his head.

"I have to be." Hiro told him, "Shuichi… needs someone to keep his feet on the ground. Head flies up to the clouds too much."

"Or needed to." Hiro corrected himself quickly before Eiri could open his mouth and question. The brunette looked melancholy and the voice he spoke with was wistful and… clipped. Eiri could almost feel whatever emotion Hiro was keeping privately to himself underneath that calm poker face. "Well, what are you to him? And, why are you looking for him?" The brunette produced a pack of cigarettes from the old faded brown jacket he wore and within moments he was smoking a stick.

Eiri grimaced when the thick, pungent, smell of smoke wafted into his nose. Practically half of his family smoked (that half being his father, his older sister and even Tohma though that was a rare event) and he was used to breathing in air mixed with the mixture of his father's cigars and his sister's brand of women's cigarettes over dinner without even a slight wheeze. The smell that came from cheap cigarettes was a very different story though; they emitted a thick, pungent smell that almost literally clung onto your skin and clogged your lungs. It made him swear solemnly he'd only smoke a certain, pricey-brand (like Alfo) and nothing else even if somehow his family went bankrupt and he was forced to scrape dirt off streets for food. It was a grim thought but, nevertheless, it was a possibility.

"I'm…." Eiri hesitated at first and swallowed hard, "a friend…" Realizing his answer had been too vague and Hiro could easily take that as an abstract equivalent to 'boytoy', he hastily added, "a _platonic_ friend."

Hiro's eyes narrowed slightly as he blew smoke into the air and he watched Eiri closely before taking a drag from his cigarette and sighing. "A friend, huh?" Hiro said in a somewhat disappointed tone before looking away into the distance. "He brought you here before, huh?" The brunette asked again in the same tone and Eiri nodded automatically even though he wasn't quite sure if the brunette was watching him in any way at all.

"Hmn." Hiro breathed and removed the cigarette from his lips. He strode towards the coffee table beside the sofa and left his cigarette on the ashtray. Then, he sat himself on the sofa and folded his arms crossly across his chest.

Eiri followed him with a steady gaze and his eyebrows furrowed slightly when Hiro seemed to be studying him again. This time, the look on the brunette's face was a lot more serious, more intense. "We used to live here, y'know? Shuichi and I." Hiro said suddenly in soft voice that completely took Eiri off guard. He had been expecting something curt or rash from the brunette, something that reflected the first impression he had gotten from the older man. "We began renting this apartment after graduating from High School. We lived and breathed the same air for so long. We dreamt the same things; he was like the younger, clumsy brother I'd never had." Hiro laughed and Eiri suddenly had the urge to take a seat. He scanned his surroundings and when he found a simple stool in the small kitchen area of the apartment, he strode towards it and half-dragged, half-carried it back to where he stood before.

"I ditched Medicine for him. We wanted to make it big, _together_, as a band." Hiro continued and seemed amused by the fact that Eiri was so interested by his little storytelling session. "We'd been dreaming of this since we were twelve. And then it was there, we were so close, we were getting noticed. _He_ was getting noticed."

"They recognized the raw talent he had and saw me as the obstacle for being such the smart-assed voice-of-reason for Shuichi." Hiro snorted disgustedly, "So they told Shuichi to ditch me. And he _did_."

The brunette took a deep breath and then leant forward, burying his head in his hands tiredly. Eiri was interested but at the same time, he wasn't sure where this was going. "I was mad at him. _Enraged_, even That he'd had the gall to leave me behind like that after all I've done for him… The next day, I took the earliest train to T-University before Shuichi could wake up and beg for forgiveness like he always did and re-applied for a Medicine course. I'd passed my first entrance exam before so they were only glad to have me reapply again. I never looked back ever again." Hiro broke into a laugh suddenly; not light but bitter and heavily laden with regret. "I like to think I never looked back again but I was hoping for a mention, a sign that Shuichi missed me, something on one of his songs that said 'I'm sorry, Hiro.' But there never was anything. Or at least, that was what I told myself. Looking back, I was being stupid. Being childish."

"I let him go this path." Hiro rasped out and Eiri was beginning to realize he was hearing a plea for forgiveness that may never reach the ears of the wronged, or the victim. "I never argued. I was too mad, too mad at him for ditching me for _his_ dream where I _wasn't_ included. I was mad at him for disregarding me… for not thinking about the hell I went through for him when I decided I wasn't going to University. I let him go there; let him fuck whoever and whatever he pleased. I should have told him to stop, should have kept him down to the earth… and now he's probably," Hiro seemed to choke and then he chuckled. He spat the single word bitterly, "… dead."

Eiri took a deep breath and held it without even realizing it and Hiro looked up to him. "I hope you find him, Uesugi-san." Hiro said quietly, "I don't know him anymore, don't know where he can be…. Don't even know if he likes Pocky anymore," The brunette smiled a bit here; it was a bittersweet recollection of days past, "but… find him. Alive, please. And tell him I'm sorry."

And as he released the breath he'd been holding, Eiri seriously wished he could bring Shuichi back.

_You're a good person, Eiri-kun_.

Eiri realized why Shuichi had been so desperate on making him believe that; because Shuichi had gone into the dark end and needed a foothold… hope and forgiveness. And if a person like him could be good, deep down, and be saved then… so could he.

_He certainly picked the right person for help_, Eiri thought darkly as he got up from the stool he had been sitting on. He sighed and dug his hands deep into his jacket pockets and calmly addressed Hiro. "Nakano-san," he said and the brunette lifted his head up and regarded him questioningly. Eiri continued, "I wasn't that kind of friend to Shindou-san. We just stuck together; I don't know anything about him. I don't know if I can even find him for you. Alive." Eiri was being honest and he knew no matter how desperate he could appear in front of his family, he doubted they would answer a request from him to help find some nobody on a whim. They had money and power, but they were not Gods. They couldn't save anyone, didn't have that power though their ancestors from the years gone by have claimed to be capable of doing so.

_They were idiots blindly relying on powers they couldn't see, couldn't hope to understand and they made everyone else believe on them just as blindly._

"I thought that." Hiro said quietly, visibly disappointed. He stood from the sofa and lifted his guitar from it. Eiri thought the brunette was going to go back to whichever room he had been in and leave him to do whatever he wanted. And Eiri couldn't have that. He felt he still had to know more.

"But if I find him, Nakano-san." Eiri spoke loudly, enough to draw the attention of the retreating man. "I'll have you say sorry to him yourself." He paused and Hiro turned to stare at him with disbelief. "I don't do those kind of things." Eiri added flatly in answer to the look Hiro had given him. He frowned when Hiro said nothing and continued staring at him.

"Nakano-san, if I'm to look for Shindou-san… where…" Eiri was at a loss for words, overwhelmed by a feeling he couldn't name suddenly as he swept his eyes across the room and took in its furnishings for the first time ever since he'd run away from it on Shuichi's _order_. How long had Shuichi stayed after he left? Had he even stayed at all? If not… then, where did he go?

_Can I ever find him_?

_Why do I even want to find him_?

"Do you think… how long… was he gone from here?" Eiri finished and Hiro smiled at him sympathetically, as if he understood.

"I don't know." Hiro answered and then laughed slightly, hollowly, "When I came here, the place was a mess… but no Shu-_chan_—" Eiri's eyebrows furrowed at the endearment, "..I spent a while cleaning the place up. But I don't know… honestly, how long he could have been gone." Hiro took a deep breath and ran his hands along his hair again before sighing dejectedly.

"God, Eiri, please find him. Tell him… tell him…"

_….You're a good person_.

"He's good." Eiri finished for him quietly and then there was a silence.

ooo

Eiri scaled the apartment complex's old rusty stairs with his head hung down, in defeat, as he made his way back down to the street where Tohma was waiting with their car. The blonde executive watched him carefully, eyes narrowed, as he stood beside his car. Clad in a heavy, black feather-lined overcoat, and a matching black Quaker hat, Tohma looked every bit an imposing entrepreneur but when he met Eiri's gaze, all that was left was a concerned brother-in-law. Eiri wanted to scoff at him for how _different_ he looked in the midst of the people he cared about, just to spite him, but he was too drained, too defeated.

At this rate, they would most likely find Shuichi under an old bridge, a corpse long dead for days. Not alive. Not breathing. Dead. Eiri hated the thought of it but whenever he looked back into his time with the mysterious man, he came back to the present with renewed, if not doubled, fear of not finding Shuichi in time and finding his corpse instead. How long had it been, even? The days had passed so quickly; it was the same bitter cold afflicting them now with winter having a few months yet but the days had gone in and gone out, becoming nothing more but time wasted.

"I had a feeling you'd be waiting for me." Eiri said quietly in a strained voice as he greeted his brother-in-law with a slight but strained bow. Tohma smiled at him, disregarding the dismissing tone in the younger man. He reached a hand out and placed it lightly on the younger blonde's back as he led him into his car.

"In this cold, I thought I should follow you." Tohma explained a matter-of-factly as if it was perfectly normal to follow someone when they never did tell you where they were going to begin with. Eiri never told Tohma where he was going to, specifically, but he knew Tohma had extensive sources.

Tohma's ways were the last thing in his mind right now, however. He let himself be led into the back seat of the car and said nothing as Tohma closed the door beside him. The blonde executive was on the driver's seat within minutes and Eiri fastened his seatbelt before the other could ask. So when Tohma did ask, he stopped in mid-sentence and smiled with understanding, even bemusement. Eiri dismissed him and let the blatant display of his brother's unnatural obsession towards him play out.

Tohma was, afterall, the last thing in his mind at the moment.

The car started and Eiri, who had propped his elbow beside the window and leant his head on it, looked out disinterestedly. He watched the houses pass by slowly; idly aware of where they were going but at the same time not caring about it. He felt stuffed, like he could hear, see, and use all of his five sense but… not to the uttermost. He couldn't think clearly, couldn't think about what to do now. What he had done for the past few weeks, week – it didn't matter how long anymore – had only served to heighten his curiosity, his _need_, to meet Shuichi once more. It never helped him in the actual problem and the questions remained. Where was Shuichi? Where on Earth could he possibly be?

Or was he dead?

He closed his eyes and when he opened his eyes, the houses were replaced with streets jam-packed with people and the darkening skies. He had dozed and it was getting late; that fact slowly seeped into his mind but he shrugged it off, unconcerned. It didn't matter and Tohma was being quiet,_ very, very quiet_.

No, correct that, _it_ was very, very quiet – almost deafeningly so and even the voices in his mind stopped tormenting him and bombarding him with the hopeless questions he couldn't even begin to have the answers to. It felt like even the voices in his mind had found it futile to push him onward when there was nothing left to reap, to save.

"Tohma." Eiri said quietly, opening his mouth and finding them parched but he said nothing about that. "What time is it?"

The older blonde craned his neck slightly to his direction, regarding him with a warm, almost uncharacteristic smile that he was sure nobody but him and his sister were privy to. "Oh, you're awake, Eiri-kun?" Tohma said quietly, a smile in his voice.

Eiri grunted in response. "Time." He said monotonously, reminding Tohma of his question earlier.

"Eight." Tohma replied quietly and Eiri nodded. "Upset, Eiri-kun?" The executive asked softly after a few minutes of silence. His brother-in-law merely grunted in response, eyes transfixed onto the window beside him.

"Yeah." Eiri, normally, wouldn't have answered Tohma and indulged him like that. As it was, though, he felt so cut off, so very... emotionally... in need. "I don't know… where he is." Eiri said in a low voice, barely audible even in the near-deafening silence inside Tohma's expensive car.

"You don't have to find him, Eiri-kun." Tohma explained quietly. "If you don't, then you don't. Don't let it affect you so much."

"I don't why it's affecting me so much, _Tohma_." Eiri's attention was caught by a duo in the crowd when their car came into a halt; two boys that reminded him, somehow, of Hiro and Shuichi. "I don't know why I'm drawn. Why I have to." Eiri continued in a somewhat desperate tone, still watching the people in the crowd. The two were trading jokes, apparently, slapping each other's back, laughing, smiling… In his mind, the words kept on coming… _I don't know why I have to find him. Don't know why I can't let go, can't forget his voice, his eyes, the pain… Don't know why I wish I could make him come back and feel better and… _

"I understand. Ryuichi…" Tohma's voice cut off in his inner thoughts, taking Eiri completely off guard. He waited for the older man to say something more but he didn't and it only made Eiri even more uncomfortable. Incomplete. He kept his eyes into the crowd and was disappointed when the two boys he had been watching disappeared into it. _Gone_.

The car continued moving.

"_I want to find him_." Eiri whispered under his breath and turned to his brother-in-law. For a few moments, he stared at his brother-in-law's back, wondering if the older man had heard him and then he turned back to the window beside him once more.

Why did he want to find him? That was a question he had asked himself so many times before. It had many possible answers though none of it was ever fitting. He wasn't gay, not really, it wasn't like how things had been between his ex-teacher and him. He didn't love the man. He didn't even _know_ the man. It was ironic because he _wanted_ to know the man. It provided a healthy distraction from his guilt but the bottom line was there; he didn't know what was making him do these things and maybe, maybe, if he found Shuichi he'll know.

"Shuichi." Eiri whispered breathily, reveling in the fact that he'd never once called the man in such a way and couldn't even remember calling him by his first name. The action made him feel unnaturally warm and it was embarrassing. It reminded him of whenever Tatsuha would whisper his singer-friend's name in sleep; breathily and longingly.

_Eiri-kun_. Shuichi's voice echoed at the back of his mind and as he vaguely thought about how his name – his name _alone_ – would sound in the older man's lips, he caught a something to his right. He wasn't sure what it was or, even, _where_ it had come from but it made his instincts jump. Run wild. Go haywire. He knew then, that it had to be it and that this was his chance and after this…. After this he wouldn't be getting anything else…

"Stop the car, Tohma!" Eiri yelled suddenly, without thinking. A scant second after Tohma did, he bolted out through the door and lunged forward into the crowd, blindly following his instincts.

He heard Tohma's voice behind him, barely against the suddenly near-thundering crowd he had thrust into, but he ignored him. He ignored him and continued on, blindly going forward to the direction that _felt_ right, even if deep down he wasn't sure if it was right at all. All that mattered then as his heart thundered against his ears and he ran and ran without thinking and direction was that he had a chance.

_A chance._

And that was all that mattered.

ooo

Eiri didn't know how he'd caught up with him and not in a million lifetimes would he probably ever have the answer to that question. He didn't care though and as he stood on the cobblestone path of a park he wasn't even aware he'd run into, jacketless and freezing in the biting cold because someone had accidentally grabbed onto his jacket while running and he just let it go, he stared at the calm, smiling and suddenly pained face of a man he thought he'd never see again.

Shuichi looked different, more vulnerable perhaps, but he was smiling at him in a way that told Eiri how he had done right in not hesitating. Because, had he hesitated, then he might have been too late for anything and both of them knew that. The park was silent, providing them the time and space, the privacy they needed.

"Eiri-kun… you'll get cold." Shuichi said finally in a soft voice that was void of the reservation Eiri remembered it once had. It was lighter, so much more… so very, very different. It was like meeting another Shuichi. Once, before, he had spoken his name with a sense of… emphasis. Eiri felt it had been Shuichi's way of putting him down and telling him where he stood but the way he spoke now was so… natural. Like finally, they were on the same level.

And Eiri _felt_ they were on the same level. They were both tainted, both seeking out salvation in the only way they knew how; by finding someone else to save and save them.

"I know, I left my jacket... somewhere." Eiri answered quietly and watched as Shuichi carefully laid his bag onto the cobblestone path and began removing his overcoat, revealing slender arms lined with a number of fresh and fading cuts and band-aids haphazardly slapped onto them all over. Under his thick coat, Shuichi had been wearing a simple black tank top and matching jeans; hardly the type of clothing for winter and Eiri imagined Shuichi either left home in a hurry or had a death wish. He probably had both.

Eiri didn't wince at the sight of mutilated flesh and watched, mesmerized as Shuichi walked over to him and quietly placed his coat over his shivering body.

"There." Shuichi whispered with both of his hands still on either side of the younger man's body. He smiled and looked into the younger man's eyes. _Purple_; under the right light, Shuichi's eyes looked unearthly with an odd slightly-purple hue that easily reminded him of the silly, flamboyant and drawn out descriptions of the hero or heroine's eyes authors easily put into their trashy romance novels.

"I told you to go home." The smaller man said quietly in a flat voice and Eiri shook his head.

"I did."

How is it that something he had been thinking about for so long, something that haunted him in his dreams, something that had _felt_ so _urgent_ could end like this? It was surreal. Eiri felt that it couldn't be happening but then, as he reached out to grab the smaller man's wrist in his hand and felt the dull warmth in them, he knew this was real and he had found Shuichi. It was so... anti-climatic. He was thankful for it, though, and at the same time, he hated it.

Shuichi took one glance of the hold Eiri had of his wrist and then turned to him wordlessly before slipping away, easily, out of his grasp and stepping away from him. Eiri didn't stop him and in a silent daze watched as Shuichi turned his back on him and began walking away. It was goodbye; the anticlimactic ending where there was nothing left to do but say their goodbyes and let the credits roll. What could he possibly do, after all? What did he have to do? If he made Shuichi stay, what was there left to do? After Hiro begs for his forgiveness then what was to happen?

_Hiro_. His mind whispered; he had to stop him because of Hiro but after that… _what?_

_Just make him stay. Make him feel, make him believe…._

He lifted his gaze, slowly, and watched Shuichi's retreating form with a slight frown. He breathed in and out, slowly, and watched Shuichi through a veil of white smoke, his breath.

"Shuichi." He breathed and then he was moving, pushing one leg after another in a swift run towards the older man. "Shuichi!" He was yelling with his heartbeat thundering in his ears as he ran. He vaguely registered Shuichi stopping in his footsteps and turning to him in surprise before the two of them fell down to the hard, humid ground with a loud thud.

"Don't go." Eiri hissed angrily, biting hard into his lower lip as he sat on Shuichi's prone body and glared hard into the other's eyes. Shuichi said nothing at first and then closed his eyes. He spoke in a soft, quivering voice, "Why?"

Eiri breathed in sharply and leaned down until their breaths mingled and he could practically see the tiny lines in Shuichi's eyes. "You told me to go home." Eiri hissed slowly and then unconsciously pressed Shuichi harder into the ground, "You told me to go home but what about _you_. Aren't you running away, Shindou-san?"

Shuichi turned his head away and sighed. "I'm not like yo—"

"Yes, _fuck_, I'm not like you, Shuichi. I'm not like you; I didn't abandon my best friend and whore myself up to fame." Shuichi stared at him incredulously and Eiri hung his head, continuing in a defeated tone. "I killed the one person that understood me, murdered him when I thought there was no way out."

Eiri swallowed and glared at Shuichi, "I ran away and you… you told me not to." He took a deep breath and pressed his palms against the older man's neck. "But aren't you fucking running away too?"

"Don't have anywhere else to go." Shuichi whispered underneath him. The singer titled his head upwards, allowing himself a little comfort against the warm hands on his neck. "Eiri­-kun… I screwed up bad." He laughed then, quietly and it was almost a giggle only it was hollow and dripping with bitterness. "I… I lost sight of things. … I… lost sight of my priorities and… and…"

Eiri watched as beads of tears began rolling down the older man's cheeks and he gritted his teeth before grounding out, "Is that why you picked me? So you could save me? Because you fucking aren't worth saving anymore and you thought you could screw someone's mind for the greater good?" For some reason, he felt betrayed.

"It was the eyes, Eiri-kun." Shuichi whispered quietly in a vague tone before Eiri's fingers tightened around his neck in a familiar way that didn't surprise Shuichi anymore. He gasped for air while Eiri looked down at him, indifferently.

Neither said anything this time; Shuichi didn't beg, didn't scream for release and Eiri remained indifferent as his fingers continued wrapping themselves tighter around Shuichi's neck. The silence was filled with a mixture of calm, even breaths and loud gasps for air as Shuichi surrendered himself completely to Eiri.

"Eiri…" Shuichi rasped out quietly in between gasps, on the verge of passing out and, maybe, dying. His eyes closed in an act of resignation and waited.

"Do you think… dying is the best way out, Shindou-san?" Eiri whispered quietly, removing his hands from Shuichi's neck and tracing the dark marks his fingers had left on it with his eyes. He frowned deeply and watched Shuichi's eyes open to stare up at him dazedly. Eiri read the message in them easily; _I'm not dead yet_.

_Damn right you're not dead yet._ A voice cried angrily inside his mind but he kept silent and continued watching Shuichi.

"You have a friend who wants forgiveness," Eiri eyed the cuts on Shuichi's arms closely as he spoke, wondering what the older man had used to inflict them. Probably the army knife he'd mistaken for a gun in paranoia. "If you want to die, die after you've forgiven him." He paused and continued in a slight whisper while he met Shuichi's eyes seriously, "I'll kill you myself."

"Eiri-kun…" Shuichi breathed and then the silence became deafening. If they were in a park then why, Eiri wondered, was it so silent? Why couldn't there be anyone around to break the tension between them? Why was he even here? Why did he _even_ bother

"Why?" Shuichi asked again and Eiri felt like screaming and clawing his hair out. Why? Why? _Why?_ Why ask questions he couldn't possibly answer? _Why_?

But, for once, Eiri realized had an answer. It was vague and probably wouldn't satisfy but, for Eiri, it was enough. It was, also, the only answer his mind could offer.

"Because I want you." _To live. To be with me. To be alive and not dead. To stop hurting_. The possibilities were endless but that answer was enough for now. For now, Shuichi had to be satisfied with that and… and for a reason Eiri couldn't possibly begin to comprehend even, Shuichi's lips spread out and upturned to a small smile.

_Thank you_.

Shuichi didn't have to say it and Eiri nodded to tell him just that.

ooo


End file.
